The autism social rule book.

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You can do such things by taking an oblique approach. Don't teach or preach; suggest, and don't override their authority. No one wants someone telling them how to do their job. Didactic approaches rarely work, even in schools.

For example try ''I am wondering (such and such). As a professional, you probably know a lot about this. What would your opinion on (such and such) be.'' Phrase statements as questions. Then you are not just lecturing someone, you are engaging them in a conversation. Invite their opinion, and then even if you disagree respectfully, they will be much happier for it.

I reckon that aspies may well try something more direct, which seems reasonable to us, but may come across as offensive. (I used to do this kind of stuff all the time)

Doctors and Teachers and the Elderly are all people, and the vast majority of people are heavily invested in something called their 'Ego'. Avoiding stepping on these, and life will be much smoother.

- When meeting someone for the first time, make sure to dress nicely. Take a shower, fix your hair, wear clean and good fitting clothes. NT's put much worth on looks. This can also count for the second and third meeting; when they've get to know you better and already 'judged' your inner person, they won't care much about your clothes and looks anymore.

- When walking or standing somewhere, don't look down and stand up straight. Smiling works good. This will give the impression you're an open person who feels confident. You can actually practice this in front of the mirror.

- When talking, mind the speed and tone of your voice. When discussing hobbies an interests we tend to talk faster and louder. NT's stop listening if you do this. If you want to practice this, you can use a webcam or sound recorder. Try mentioning you're trying this to a few NT's and ask them to tell if you're starting to talk louder/faster; they'll appreciate the trust you give them in helping you.

- In a conversation, stop talking every now and then and see if the other wants to say something. Don't get lost in your own story.

- When someone says "What a beautiful moon tonight" they aren't asking "Why is the moon this beautiful tonight?" They're just saying the moon is beautiful. Agree with them. Don't start an argument, don't start explaining why. (Still having problems with this myself)

- Don't go explaining everything. Not everyone wants to know everything.

- When in a group, take part in the existing conversation, no matter how boring it seems.

Rule No 1062

Dont live in denial if you know the person is a crap
then cut them out of your life

Rule No. 1063
The profession which works for a NT may not work out for you. Acknowledge this fact

Rule No. 1064
Dont be too naive, people out there are not what they seem

Rule No. 1065
When you want to befriend a male and you are female remember they are thinking that you need SEX, even if you dont.
Men will like to have male friends and not female.

Rule No.1066
Try avoiding drugs, alcohol, too much ciggarates and excessive shopping
These things maybe stress busters but are addictive and harmful in the long run.

When talking about something like issues people have or conditions they have you have or had, talk about yourself. Don't use "you" statements. Use "I" statements when you give out advice and talk about yourself about how you dealt with things and how you got better and improved. People are less likely to get offended.


Do not ask someone if they have any sort of disability or any sort of mental illness, it might insult them. Not everyone wants to have something wrong with them so they wouldn't want to hear about it and some want to look and come off as normal so they don't need to hear about it.

Instead of demanding people to do things for you or ordering people around, ask them to do something for you you want them to do like handing you the remote, getting the door for you, getting you a glass of water, eg. "Can you get me a glass of water?" than "I want a glass of water, get it for me please."

If you think someone is bullshitting, don't yell it out to them, instead tell them why it's BS without saying the word. Like let's say someone claims they can't read people but it's been obvious to you they can read people just by what they say about themselves. So tell them instead they can to read people and then explain why. Don't yell out "BS, you can too read them" because they might have low self esteem because they think they can't read people because they have been told so or they have read people wrong in the past so it's lowered their self esteem so calling them liars by saying "BS" isn't going to help them at all. You just never know.

*If you have unusual interests like washing machines or plants, don't talk about them.
*There are some social mistakes that NTs make and some that they don't make. An NT might talk with food in his or her mouth, but wouldn't go to school wearing slippers.

Is there any written literature at all regarding this topic?

Look at it like a modem's handshake (when a modem dials a server they exchange bleeps which tell them what method and speed each is using to communicate). It's basically just for setting the protocol for communication between humans. All that "small talk" stuff is mostly about that. General small talk could also be called "finding a common ground" and "creating a common ground".

When viewed from that angle the canned responses stop being stupid. You are checking each other for standard responses, finding small things in attitude, pronounciation etc. That's why the answer itself doesn't really matter. It generally takes humans half a sentence to set up decoding for another person's speech patterns, the empty "how are you?" "Pretty good, weird weather" phrases allow for that.

Even if you absolutely know you're right, if you keep being disagreed with, shut up.

#(what ever number this is)... when you have a window-cleaner round cleaning the windows, don't start talking with another person in the house about something what will probably end up in an argument or a small outburst (which includes using that high-toned ''whingy'' voice). That high-toned whingy voice carries through walls, and you really don't want the window-cleaner to hear arguments every time he comes to clean your windows. This also applies to the gas man, a gardener (if you have one), a maid (if you're rich enough to have one), and anyone else who inspects your home.

Try not to make weird eye movements.

If you're daydreaming, that's fine, but don't act out the scenarios you're fantasizing about, while people are watching you.

Never rush someone with AS or constantly insist that they do something whether it's a task or joining you to go somewhere. You'll just piss them off.

Advice for the person with AS facing this situation: keep your cool, and be tactfully direct with the person that what they're asking you to do isn't going to happen until you're emotionally and cognitively content. The more they persist, the less likely they will get any results. If they can't understand that, then there's nothing more to be said. Tension will either remain or dissolve.

NTs: Don't make fun of someone who acts very different from everyone else. That person might have AS.

Or some other disability.

Everyone: Yelling at someone can slow them down even more and make it harder for them to respond because yelling puts them into shut down and get them all overloaded from stress. Some tune you out because they have a harder time listening when they are being screamed at.

Let other people be wrong. Even if their posts are full of spelling and grammar mistakes, and they have their facts wrong, let it stand. If you correct them, they won't believe you, and they'll resent you for it.