The emotional experience of women with AS

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Hmmm... I was never pressurised into hiding my intelligence, which may be why some of my interests are closer to those considered to be stereotypically male (many facets of science and technology over the years). I do have large stores of arcane knowledge. I also have some stereotypically female interests (knitting and embroidery for example). I was definitely pressurised to conform to social standards as a child, teen and young adult, was constantly reprimanded for deviations in attention and for my lack of social skills and was bullied, often severely, by my peers at school. I don't know if this is the result of inherent, biology or conditioning, but I have tried very hard to fit in and find social acceptance. For years I struggled to attain normality, and was constantly told that I just had to try a bit harder, a bit harder, a bit harder and was reprimanded for my laziness when I failed. I can superficially mimic social skills pretty well but maintaining long term relationships is almost impossible. I have also been bullied, manipulated and used by various people who have gained my trust over the years for various purposes, including sex.

Women are definitely expected to be more socially competent than men and are reprimanded far more severely when they fail. There is also enormous pressure to have a family. It should be obvious to my parents that I would not make a competent mother and that my defective genes are not worth the effort of passing on. Evolution does not favour the weak, and even high functioning autism is a very cruel weakness. I have inherited the tendancy from both sides of my family and tend to go for boyfriends on or near the spectrum (this is not a conscious choice, I would have eliminated it if it was). I would never inflict anything like my existence on another living being. As a sterile worker I am valuable and my chosen career (molecular biology) does not leave much time for child rearing anyway. Despite this my parents are still desperate for me to have kids, indeed nothing would make my mother happier. I find this upsetting as they get upset about it and surely they must realise (I've pointed it out often enough) that it would probably destroy my life in the process and that the child would be poorly cared for and most likely defective. There are no child producing expectations whatsoever placed on my neurotypical brother.

Girl aspies tend to have more boundary issue problems too. More of the need to be accepted, need to be liked, overly focusing on others or over sharing and getting into trouble. Even being taken advantage of sexually. When you're naive or don't get the intentions of others and are trying to go along and look like you do, you often can find yourself in bad situations fast. There are plenty of people out there to take advantage of naivete. (I copy pasted part of earthmom's comment)

I agree with this I've ended up in bad situations before and they've landed me ALMOST fired from my job and kicked out of College something I regret to this day. I also have a need to be accepted and liked and I'm as you put over sharing I tell you my whole life story and I barely know you LOL! I really like this thread and it fit me perfectly.

No, I cannot relate. I was oblivious to pressures to conform.

Female hormones make the brain go crazy, doesn't matter whether it's NT or ASC. At least that's my experience. And my emotional experiences can be incredibly overpowering, sometimes to the point they scare me.

I grew up in a small town in the deep South. The culture there was that "good manners" were pounded into children from the time they could talk. I suppose I did well with that surface stuff while I was living there. I moved west as a teen and have never been able to adjust to the rudeness I perceive out here. I was not diagnosed with anything as a child (family just thought I was rebellious) but it is clear to me now that I had a very rigid set of social skills and they did not transfer. Natives to this state do not like me, nor I them. All of my friends are out of state transplants as well.

I also found it interesting, when running an analysis of my closer friends that one of them has a mother with dx aspergers, one has a dx autistic son, and one has a likely asperger husband.

Great thread.
I look back, I remember a girl in our group of acquaintances at school. I almost never heard her speak but once or twice and when it was it was very quite and in a low tone. She was also oddly expressionless, I never saw her smile or grimace or anything. She was just there in the background almost invisible.
We were not cool people we were the odd ones so we accepted and included her, but I wonder more about her now!

A lot of what has been mentioned describes me as well. Although I'm a moderate introvert (with introverted traits that outnumber extraverted traits 2:1), I've always had a desire to have friends and belong. And, as a result of being either bullied or ignored way back as a teenager, I still deal with depression induced emotional meltdowns to this day. Sometimes even the littlest statement or criticism causes me to cry in my room at night.
Also, I get all sorts of pressure for not dressing fashionabley or exotic, and I feel that at the moment, my love life is a failure. In Califonia the pressure's very intense, but I don't let people try to have much of an influence on how I dress anymore, because I don't like their attitude that they should go into my closet and tell me what to wear or throw out.
During Jr. High and High School I wanted to be "popular" or "cool" and attempted to try to dress cool, though. However, I couldn't figure out how to dress cool or act cool and I got the opposite result of everything I wanted. Though, I did somehow manage to stop myself from staring because of all the negative feedback. Also, I talk faster than I did at the age of 12, before my parents put me in speach therapy.
However, I wouldn't describe myself as a bookworm, although many of my friends are. Also, I'm unsure about whether I view myself as adrogenous. On some days I feel very adrogenous, and on other days I feel very feminine. I have the same number of male and female friends, too.

I'm genderqueer but biologically female. Not sure if AS has anything to do with this but it wouldn't surprise me. People like us don't act "feminine and proper" which I have taken a lot of crap for. I don't understand "the feminine mystique," have no idea how to flirt, and couldn't understand elegance if my life depended on it.

I'm learning to love my body even though I don't move or act like other women. I will never understand the meaning of subtle.

I would have to say the most emotionally distressing thing about being a female with asperger's syndrome, specifically, is reading about and being told about the big difference in males with AS and females with AS.
Females with AS are supposedly better with their emotions or, at least, more emotional in comparison to males, like NT females in comparison to NT males. Females with AS often exhibit better social skills and methods of coping with social situations than do males with AS. Females with AS are less likely to be obsessive about a tiny amount of extremely unusual things. Females with AS are more caring and express more empathy than males with AS. Even, females with AS are more likely to be creative and artistic rather than logical and scientific.

I am none of those things. With or without asperger's, there is no escaping expectations of femininity I will never meet.