assumptions people make about me

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How far back was this? A lot of people are still catching up to this.

Well now there’s a real question. If I can’t tell the difference I say “thanks” anyway and withhold judgement based on what they say afterwards. I try to use reason because my "instinct" is always to go with "patronising". Of course, if I’m having “a moment” I may not be that receptive or aware of the other person.

Last edited by This_Space_Intentionally_Left_Blank on 28 Apr 2016, 12:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That is a really good question. I guess one way to determine is to see whether what they are telling you really does benefit you or if it more something they are telling you to make themselves more comfortable with you situation. If it is more about making themselves feel good rather than something that can really help you, it's patronizing.

I'm hoping that now that I have therapy and other things on the horizon that I will learn to better determine this. I know one of the things that amps me up when I'm in that start of middle of the outburst to meltdown is that if I feel patronized in any way, it just really.......well.....I don't have to tell you.

And, I ain't got that kinda cognition if I cross a certain point. It's something that should step down the process, but it amplifies it for me.

Hehe. 12-14 years ago? Now it's mostly funny. But I don't keep in contact much, because I just can't live up to her standards. Mind you, I don't have a diagnosis. I'm not even certain I am autistic. Perhaps it's ADD? What I am certain about is that I have a lot of autistic traits, and that I used to have a lot more black and white thinking 14 years ago.

In general, I am very skeptical of idealistic people, because they tend to defend the receivers of their charity against cold and rigid people like me. For ex., I had this friend who was black, and we got along just fine. We talked about science and art and psychology. But her white friend was monitoring every conversation for signs of racism, and if I ever got annoyed with my friend she was ready to pounce on me. The funny thing is that my black friend told me she liked me because I was not judgmental. Because she had issues that nothing to do with her skin colour, you know? Like, she's a person?

Oh yes, I do know what you mean. There is nothing like a good patronizing or condescending remark to fuel the fire of a meltdown. I have been amplified that way many times. I don't know why people think they have to say what they say during a meltdown. I think it is because they think it's a tantrum. But even if it were, I think those remarks would just infuriate me more as well.

I take those moments to run away from people. If I don't, what happens next is not pretty so I go and have quiet alone time. My car works if no one is around, any private room, a bathroom works in a pinch.

That is infinitely annoying. I wish those people would just lighten up, relax and mind their own business.

Again, this resonates with me a lot. I used to get jobs because I was youthful and enthusiastic, and sounded like I knew what I was talking about. At my age, "youthful and enthusiastic" becomes "immature and slightly bonkers". I fell off the work wagon due to life, and now I can't convince people I am a quick learner, even though I am, because all they see are my problems.

At my last job interview, the woman did a double take when she realized how old I was. Later she asked me straight out whether my health problems had affected my social skills. How to answer that?

Oh it annoys me when people go "Austin likes this." "Austin does that" "Austin won't do that" "Austin only does this" . It's doubly annoying when they do it while I'm RIGHT IN THE SAME ROOM. As if I'm not capable for speaking for myself or something. Like, really, is it so hard to let me tell you how I am? How well do you know me to say what I do and don't like?

Wow.....that would bug me.....

Oh it annoys me like you wouldn't believe. I so badly want to go off on the person who does it, but I'm too nice to do so.

But I tell you what, it makes me feel like less of a person every time they do it.

You are a wonderful person, Austin. Don't let people's perceptions of you get you down.

And, their rudeness. I hvae never understood how supposedly mannered people (My example is childhood from the south) would talk about people as if they were not in the room. Embarrassed me as a child both in being talked about, but hearing what they said when speaking directly towards someone and how they would speak when just turned away.

"Hi Jeannie!! You look wonderful today!"
"Thank you." Moves just past...

Other person turns and says...loud enough to be heard...

"That poor Jeannie...she just found out her husband is playing footsie with that new secretary..."

Uuuuggghhhhhh.........

And, yeah I got it to some degree too. But, honestly, because of how I saw it applied to everyone, I never took it as personally aimed at me.

Just really poor manners.

Edit: or as my parents put it...poor upbringing....which was sorta ironic if you get my drift.....

I totally understand what you mean. It is SO RUDE!! ! I also hate it. For one people are always generalizing. It's one thing to say, "A person is doing this because of their Autism," it's another thing to say "Autism does...." and the worst part is to say it in front of you instead of asking you how the traits and symptoms affect you personally. Even if we all have the core diagnostic required traits that are required for us to be Autistic, we are not all affected the same way. Yeah, here we go again with the old phrase, "if you've met one person with Autism,..." we all know how it goes.

When I was teaching skiing, there was a local school for challenged children that would have their kids come once a year for a ski trip and they would all get a lesson. Many of these kids were Autistic and I thought it was the absolute cruelest thing to force them to do this ski day. If any of you ski, you know what it is like the first time you put on a ski boot so to make these kids have to go through this once a year, I felt was ridiculous. My thoughts were that if they did not want to ski, they should be allowed to go snowtubing or to snowboard or to just sit in the lodge and read a book if they wanted to. What is one day a year going to do for them? And if they are sensitive to how painful a ski boot can be, then all they would do is cry throughout the whole lesson.

But back to the point, I remember I had a group of kids who were about 7 years old and two of them refused to join the lesson and just stood on the side crying the whole time. And I imagine they might have also been overwhelmed if this their routines had been broken or whatever. I wanted to go over to them and see if they wanted hugs because I know that for me, good strong solid hugs are very soothing and comforting and can really help me relax and feel better. And they were old enough to let me know if that would help them or not.

When I went over there the NT teacher teaching with me, she was the lead teacher, I was the assistant, immediately told me to just leave them alone because, "Autistic people do not like to be touched." As an Autistic person I know that this might be true for some but it can all depend on the type of touch. I was really annoyed. There was no attempt to comfort these kids at all because the teacher knows all about what Autistic people like and don't like.

^If it makes you feel any better, I can't stand ski boots either, and if I were there, I totally would have gone over there and asked the kids if they wanted hugs. Sometimes I feel like hugging people for seemingly no reason, but some little part of me can tell if they are having a bad day or something like that.
Unfortunately for me, my English teacher doesn't understand why I dislike one of his favourite books so much, and even though the issue is "resolved", I still feel...I don't know what it is, but I can't stand being in that class. It seems like every time I try to be creative or do my own thing in school, the teachers won't let me. What's the point of a 'creative' writing class if the creativity is severely limited and forced into a rigid way of doing things? Sorry. I just had to rant.