Do I tell my husband about Asperger's?

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I have been with my husband for about a year, and it is by far the best relationship I have ever been in. He has always been very sensitive to my sensitivities and needs, and has always been understanding about my social awkwardness and fears. He has always found my different qualities very endearing and loves that I am different. He also loves the fact that I am more honest than most girls.

I briefly, vaguely hinted at my having Asperger's one day when trying to explain my anxiety. He did not seem to respond or comprehend what I was saying at all. Another thing is when I tried to explain the nature of my OCD, it was so beyond his comprehension that he was obviously uncomfortable discussing it.

I do not know anyone personally with any type of ASD and would like to talk to someone. I share everything with him, but I am very wary about disclosing this with him. Should I? I am afraid it will scare him, or, like the OCD thing, be impossible for him to understand. Any advice??

If he were a new boyfriend, then yeah, probably best not to tell him. But he's your husband! Presuming that you're planning on staying together for the long haul (i.e life) then of course you should tell him!

just a question of how, and it's a series of medium steps. And it is disconcerting when someone doesn't get something. I remember when I really struggled with OCD in 11th grade (age 16 and 17), I didn't know a single other person or had even read about in a book a single other human being who had struggled with these issues

and eventually you husband will get that your traits/skills/abilities/usual methods work very well in some situations, play to strength in those, but not so much in others

When I was a teenager, I remember one time my Mom saying that I would be excellent working in nuclear plant safety!

Keep in mind that without an official diagnosis from a professional, he may be rather skeptical of your claim to have a neurological disorder, even if he doesn't say so to you.

I'd be very hesitant to tell someone I had a Mental Health handicap with only my own convictions to back it up. Perhaps what you should tell him is that you're pretty sure you have this disability and you'd like to be assessed for your own peace of mind. If he is witness to the whole diagnostic process, I think he'll be more likely to have more compassion and interest in understanding the condition.

You're self-diagnosed or seeking evaluation at the moment? Yes. Yes, you should tell him. You'd tell him if you had a bad knee or the flu, so why in the world wouldn't you tell him if you suspected you had a neurological disorder? Now, granted, AS isn't something you fix; it's more something you live with and learn to make work for you. But yes. Your husband is a huge part of your life. There's absolutely no reason to hide this from him. Keeping a secret as big as "Hey, I have a brain that's on the edge of the Bell curve; here's why I'm weird and why I act different," is just not conducive to an honest marriage!

If you've got a reasonable suspicion you have AS, then by all means, clue your husband in!

i cant speak to what its like to have that conversation about myself with someone, but i can speak to what its like to live with someone who is autistic and doesnt know it. the past 11 years with my SO have been at varying times turbulent, maddening, confusing, frustrating, and downright i'd-kill-you-if-we-didn't-have-kids-who-would-miss-their-daddy. figuring out he is autistic has been the best thing for our relationship.

i dont want to be a downer, but at 1 yr in you are probably still in the honeymoon phase. as the years go by, stresses will come and go, and it wont always be that harmonious. the more understanding you can get of how your spouse operates and why, the more stable your relationship can remain. thats true for both of you.

so put me in the "yeah, tell him" camp. willards suggestion of how to broach it is good too.

something to remember, if you do indeed have autism in any form and you intend to have kids, it tends to run with greater frequency in families. if you have one child with autism, the risk of a sibling child having autism raises by up to 10X. there is a very good likelihood one or more of your children will be on the spectrum. for that reason alone, it is worth it to seek diagnosis and share your suspicions with your husband. to seriously suspect it and not tell your spouse before having kids would be a pretty big lie by omission.

dont get me wrong, if my SO had known and told me, nothing would have changed with our plans to have kids. of our two children we had together, one is diagnosed autistic and he is the light of our lives, as cliche as that sounds. but if my SO had known and didnt tell me, that would have been an incredibly huge breach of trust. they are my kids too and i have the right to full disclosure of things that may affect them.