feelings about church people

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hi there,

just recently i join some group of church people. They are sitting together, and thank good for the weather, and just tell loudly that they have next week some important meeting or a lot of work to do, and things like that. They do it in front of others loudly, and beg god that he may help them. Last time they also asked me to tell what wishes i have for next week.

This is very unusual for me. I dont know how to understand that. I have the feeling that all these things like being thankfull for the weather and so on is ridiculous, and i feel shy to say my troubles. actually i cant tell them my real problems, that i am depressed. Maybe i feel so strange about that, because these people are telling their feelings, maybe this is something which i am very bad at.

a second observation is, that they are all so kind to each other. And I distrust that, i keep always thinking, if they are really like that, or if they are only pretending to do so. Is it just a role play thing? Are normal people just to every group of persons different?

thanks,
anton

While many of them do take their role-playing very seriously, yes, that is still all they are doing ... and if you mention any of your real problems, they will likely have nothing at all to offer in response ... and if you then persist, they will eventually accuse you of something offensive to them.

I was raised in a Christian church setting. Over the course of many years I joined a number of different churches before it finally dawned on me that I am just not a group type of person. It doesn't matter what type of group - religious, civic, special interest - groups and me just don't mix.

Many church groups claim that they are a community of believers and that their members get strength by sharing their joys and sorrows together. Like any social setting, if your needs fall within the norms of that group I think you will find support.

Maybe you don't know them well enough to know if you can really tell them your troubles. In my experience I found it takes a very long time to understand the norms of particular church groups. And because I never was comfortable talking about my feelings, I was never able to get into that "share your feelings with us" stuff.

Church groups are made up of PEOPLE. I do believe that when you get a group of good people together you will find that most of them are really kind, generous and sincere. I was a member of one small church where I really felt most of the people were truly kind and loving. But, like in all of society, I believe you will find very good people in churches.

A personal example: One of our teenage children was diagnosed with a rare and usually fatal cancer. A youth paster from the church where we were visiting (we weren't members) drove a couple of hours three or four days a week to visit her in the hospital for a couple of months. And when we moved hundreds of miles from home to a famous hospital in a last ditch attempt to save her life, people from some church we had never heard of came to the hospital and visited her on a regular basis. They even came and helped me pack up our belongings when our daughter finally won this initial battle with her cancer.

But, there were also civic groups that helped us. A local organization helped financially because I was out of work for months as I was with our daughter every day. And another organization flew our daughter home at no charge to us because she was too weak to travel home in a vehicle or fly commercially.

But, I have also been in churches where people would slander others behind their backs, were proud, boastful, materialistic, and lived very hypocritical lives. I think one needs to remember that churches are made up all kinds of people. You may find a church group with which you really "click." I never did, and finally gave up. And that was years before I discovered that I probably have AS.

As a devout agnostic, I have seen the best and worst of religous people. Some it is just an image game, they all try too look more holy or something and look down on those with different views. I have met some that truely live and believe in ther faith and kindness and these are some of the nicest t people I have met. One of my favorite people at work is a very devout christian who displays it in every way. She has not ever been preachy or demeaning to me, and is one of the few people in this world that I am comfortable around.

This is the reason that I don't go to church, even though I'm a Christian. I have no patience for people who behave like that, regardless of age, sex, religion or disability.

I grew up Roman Catholic. After Confirmation, my mother converted to Evangelical Christian. The tambourine shakers who believe in hellfire and televangelists and such. She dragged me to so many churches and I got so turned off of Christianity because of those people that I ran from all religion for a number of years. They gossiped, they lied, they manipulated, they were loud, their "praise Jesus" and "praise the Lord" chants seemed almost randomly inserted into discussions with no actual manifestation of generous and charitable Christian living in their lives.

I am a Christian today. I am Episcopalian. My prayers are intimate and often. When I thank God for a blessing, even one as simple as the weather, it's something that I mean otherwise I don't say it. I don't want any credit or attention when I do charity so I often give and do anonymously or when no one's looking. I do not talk about my problems. My church is a very accepting and welcoming community so they bypass me completely and just finesse information out of my husband if they decide they want to help us out with something.

But I think there are far too many churches and denominations where it is all about the show... almost like flaunting worship like how some people flaunt money... and I can't be in that kind of environment.

I'm a Roman Catholic. I was fortunate enough to have an awesome parish with an awesome parish family. Some of them are hypocrites, but most of them are just good people. My priest got me to join a few of the groups, and at first, I'm uncomfortable around the new people, as time passes I feel more comfortable. I even help out at the church bazaar and pasta dinners. I never feel completely comfortable when I do it, but mostly everyone I've known for years, and can do things quite successfully. I won't serve people food(very hard for me to do that), but I'll do other tasks that don't involve much social interaction.

And, mostly all of the people from my church are neurotypical, except for one person that I'm good friends with. I know he's on the spectrum but I can't yet pinpoint where yet. No one can really help me with my problems, but it's good to have something in common with the people from my church, our faith. I made a lot of friends there, and they respect me for who I am. Most of them think of me as a regular, normal person, except very shy. I told a few people that I have AS, but they don't really believe me.

Being a part of my church has enriched my life and brought me so many friends. They can't really fix my problems, but we share our faith.

Some church people are real, and some aren't. Just like any other group. It is very hard to share feelings and wishes with people, or what is going on in your life. I still have a hard time with that in groups. I usually just say everything is fine or pray for school. Even when it is my campus minister who I trust completely and I know loves me. I just don't like sharing.

I think thanking God for the weather is something I probably do a lot. It is more of an attitude of thankfulness than an "Oh God! I love this weather! Thank you so much!" For me, if it is cold I'm like "Well, it is a lovely day for Antarctica." Or if it is hot "At least they invited air conditioning"

See, what I have found out, is that you can go through life praising or complaining, but crap is going to happen no matter what. But if you are glad about the little things that bring you joy, then life is a lot more fun, even when the big things aren't going your way, or are stressful.

Most church people have good intentions at least. A few don't. Most really are trying to be kind to everyone. I have met some who truly are that kind. One of my best friends is that way. She is kind, even to the people who get on my nerves, and that is just her way. I try to be kind to people and love them, but sometimes I just have to ignore them because it is too hard for me, or I get overwhelmed. But for the most part, we really do love everyone and are being kind because of that.

It is tough for me to say anything that might be helpful.

Groups of people that are passionate about what binds their group together can be very challenging. It doesn't seem to matter much what it is that defines the group so much as the level of passion. The problems you can run into are when something you do or say contradicts the group's point of view. Disagree with a cherished idea and you will be corrected, sometimes with great intensity. If you continually behave in ways that don't conform to the group's expectations, you will be shunned, or worse.

Religious groups can be VERY passionate. Anything that challenges their views, whether deliberate or innocent can invoke a very intense response. I was accused of demonic influence or possession. My world, constructed through the filters of autism, was so foreign to the church group I was connected to at the time, that their best explanation was to assign my strangeness to the side of darkness. Needless to say, it hurt me deeply.

I would suggest that you proceed with caution. By default, your autism will very likely challenge their views. Their response may or may not be helpful.

The best kind of church is a small one...especially when you get a lot of personal time with people in your church.

Everyone is conditioned to be on their "best behavior" when at church functions. They aren't trying to be phony...just acting the way they were told to act.

The problem is that you can't do that 24/7, and once you get to know someone, you're more comfortable just being yourself rather than being what you think others expect of you.

Thanks to my experiences with the church I'm not Christian any more, will never go back to that and certainly never participate in any organized religious activities beyond weddings/funerals. But some of the nicest people I know are very religious. So, it depends. Some are just pretending and are really horrible people, others are just genuinely nice people.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being cautious while you haven't figured out which you're dealing with. As for your wishes, you don't have to start out big, with your main wishes - especially if you're not sure you can trust them with something like that yet. Think of something smaller and safer, something that you can still say to them, show them that you do want to participate with them. Just mentioning something small still shows them that you want to be a part of the group, if you can't think of something to ask for people might find it strange.

one of my friends dragged me along to a christian rock band thing. note that christian and rock band should never be in the same sentence, at least not in my experience.

the band were complete and utter garbage. they were out of time, out of tune, had bad mic technique and were all trying to upstage each other.

then they stopped playing to have an "intimate discussion" with the audience (where they cover things like rape and what they think of homosexuality etc in about ten seconds total), during the course of which they completely bashed science, saying it was useless, does nothing and a poison of humanity etc; with the 2 dozen or so people there lapping up every word as truth and unanimously agreeing to not have anything to do with science ever again, whilst texting away on their phones...

my friend is studying biology. the band were standing there, talking thru radio microphones, amplified by many kilowatts of audio gear and lit up by many kilowatts of lighting, which was all operated by technicians on gear worth a few mil (thats what the collection money goes to).

there have been other times i have worked in churches (doing tech stuff) and the people in church seem really kind and caring and stuff, but when i bumped into them in the street a few days later (not literally!!), they were complete a holes to me



my experiences have not been good.

i stopped believing fairies at 6

maybe it's because I grew up in a non-religious household, but I've always found the 'church people' that I know are all pretty accepting and gentle people (this includes my in-laws). They seem to accept my non-belief, but think I'm a good person anyway, and want me to be happy and feel loved and they listen to me even when they don't agree with what I'm saying. ( It occurs to me just now that i might think this because I'm really bad at telling what people's motives are).

There's a church near my work that is open to homeless people during the afternoons, I like to go there and knit sometimes on my lunch hour and escape the hurly-burly of the city. I've told them I'm an atheist, but am still treated to a lovely, peaceful place to focus, a free cup of coffee.

Don't forget that there are cliques and niches in every population; among NTs, doctors, church people and aspies too.

I'm a church person myself and what you discribed can seem odd truth is that people talk to God in all sorts of ways not all are the same. You could visit a different church and get a completely different set of people who do their groups in completely different ways. I've gone to the groups and felt just like you did. And I too have thought the wheather... really? arn't there more important things to be thankful for....They would probably imbrace you being depressed and try to help in any way they could.

as to the question of mistrust i would say that there are some who are genuine and some who are not. Very hard to tell which are which unfortunately even for us NT's.

Just because a human gets religion doesn't stop him being human. All the strengths and weakness of humanity follow him wherever he goes, be it Religion, Atheism, Academia, Science, or the Final Frontier. You're always sure to find the same BS.