Do you feel that body language is private?

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This just occurred to me the other day. All my life I have felt like body language is a private thing, not something others should take much notice of.

I was never able to put it in those words before. I just now realized it because, since coming here, I see so much talk about reading body language. Something kept bugging me about it and I couldn't figure out what it was.

I understand intellectually that body language is considered a form of social communication. Yet in reality, in real life situations, I have never felt that way about it. I feel like it is private.

Like when I am talking with someone, I don't pay much attention to their body language because I feel like it's just their personal expression. I don't really expect it to convey a message to me. I just feel like it has to do with their own feelings, which may have nothing to do with me or the conversation we're having.

I don't like it when people notice my body language. If they comment on my gestures or my facial expressions I feel kind of like it is none of their business. My natural body language isn't necessarily intended to communicate things to other people. It has more to do with my internal process.

Does anyone else relate to this? Or if not, why not?

Not sure if this is what you mean...but say if there's something wrong with a person and you can tell by their gestures, or how they've reacted to one thing you've said in particular - you wouldn't necessarily point it out because it may be a personal reason for them which makes them uncomfortable.

Yes, I think to a large degree the finer points of body language are private. There's a "vibe" or something that I can't always explain beyond the speech or obvious gestures that I sometimes pick up but keep to myself. Sometimes I doubt that I even see it because it is never admitted. Someone says they are fine, but everything screams that they aren't fine at all. If I know the person well and want to hear about it I'll call them on their little lie. Otherwise, I accept what they say at face value because if they wanted me to know about it they'd tell me.

It's not something I would comment on unless I wanted to make someone uncomfortable. People don't like when you refer to their subconscious motives and stuff. Useful information though, so I don't feel anything about the fact they show me.

I would have thought body language is a form of communication (not sure if I would say social communication) but the trouble with body language is that unless you have superhuman (or possibly pathological) powers of self control much of body language is unconscious.

So bla bla psychoanalysis bla bla Freud etc and people think they can detect and decode you innermost thoughts & feelings by watching your body language (and possibly gaining some kind of advantage from this).

The other trouble with body language is that a lot of postures/gestures support multiple and quite different interpretations. Wrapping/crossing your arms around your body can be read to mean you are hugging yourself signalling a desire for physical contact by others to being totally opposed to what another person is saying to merely indicating a person is feeling cold and trying to conserve body heat.

So there you have it. People who are keen on this will watch you like a hawk. Even people who are not keen however will spot a marked contradiction in what a person is saying and doing -if you have just agreed to do something or accepted an invitation with verbal enthusiasm the unless you uncross those arms people might assume you are lying.

I'm not saying people are right or wrong to decipher other people's body language, but you can see the potential for seeing a lot more in you than you think you are expressing. Perhaps mis- or overinterpreting body language in people with ASDs is the or at least a source of the much complained-about tendencies of NTs to see or read intentions into the person with ASDs that aren't there?

And a final aspect (sorry this post is getting long) is stereotypical movements in people with ASDs. As an NT I can't not notice them. They are so right there in front of you, what can you do but notice them? I try hard not to comment (anymore) but it is difficult to not ask, "are you cold?" when someone is rubbing their hands like you would if you were cold, only to be told no, they're not. Those words "are you cold" will often be out of my mouth before I can stop myself, it is so ingrained to ask that.

So should your body language be a private matter? In a person who knows you well and likes you it probably is. But in random encounters you have to be prepared to be "sized up" as it were by it, alongside your words and behaviour/conscious actions.

You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.

The commentary/ or notification when used with taste or tact, can build up and not destroy. I've noticed it can be salted in good taste by the other party even if it hurts. I remember being painfully shy and stuff was pointed out in a gesture of concern. They want you to succeed.

This is probably a 'guy thing' but I've never gotten so involved with messages that people convey via body language to comment on anything about it. Unless they asked, or if I thought it could help them, then I'd bend over. Generaly I'm not looking for it, and hence don't notice it much, and maybe it's because I'm too "self- absorbed."

I was not asking whether it "should" be private. I am saying that for me, it is. I am talking about recognizing my own feelings about it, and asking it others could relate, or if not, why not? It is one thing to talk about your own perspective on the subject. It is something else for you to be telling others what they "have" to do regarding the behavior and expectations of others.

Does it not occur to you that I already know how to "prepare" myself to be sized up by other people?



Clearly you find it difficult to restrain yourself from commenting on body language. Does this mean that people like myself, who do not find such comments welcome, should be understanding of your difficulty?

I used to hate people being able to tell anything about me, I was intensely private, and I used to suppress my body language as much as possible. Of course, this made communication problems even worse.

Bullsnot.

If you don't want your body noticed, then don't let it be seen.

Otherwise, you're like the girls who wear barely-there clothing to school and then complain because all the boys are looking at them.

I think your body language is always communicating something whether you're consciously thinking about it or not. I'm also going to notice body language more at some times than at others. If I'm anxious I'm going to be more sensitive and easily distracted by other peoples' body language.

f*****g body language - this is why I don't f*****g go out to all these f*****g social events with f*****g rowdy young shitfaces - it's because of this ''body language'' I give off all the time.

f**k living a f*****g life like that - might aswell f*****g kill myself and put an end to it all and these sad immature c***s can f*****g find somebody else to spend the rest of their f*****g pathetic lives laughing at instead of just growing up and getting on regardless of stupid f*****g body language and all it's f*****g childish rules, then hopefully they will have a child with a disability what affects their body language and see how they suffer the heartbreak of ridicule when the disabled person isn't doing anything.

If one more person here says that NTs have empathy and Aspies don't, I will scream. I'm Aspie, but when I see a nervous-looking person or something, I either smile nicely at them and never stare at them to make them feel uncomfortable, and I just feel sorry for them.

Men go topless and wear shorts and no-one says a word, yet women are sluts for doing the same thing, whether it be for fashion, or because they're too hot.

I guess due to human nature, it's always going to be this way, isn't it?