Mindsigh wrote:
That was the first time (and I hope the only time) the screams ever actually came out. I wasn't screaming at my son, just screaming into the air. I don't make a habit of yelling at my child. That's the last thing he needs in his condition. Usually when I get overwhemed I try to find a place to hide for a little while.
I totally understand what you're saying. I've done exactly the same thing. Not "at" my child, but "into the air." What we need to accept though, is that when we do that, our children do not always understand that it isn't necessarily them we are screaming at. That even if they know it isn't their fault, the screaming still affects them.
Just a few days ago, I vocalized some of my feelings openly. I wasn't screaming, but my son heard every word, and broke down emotionally shortly afterward. He knew (or at least said he knew) that I wasn't angry directly with him, but he also knew I was upset because of something else, and that the fact that he wouldn't go to school was the trigger for bringing my emotions to the surface.
I'm not saying that you are abusive. But screaming, even if it is the first time you've ever done it, still affects our children. If it really is the first time you've ever done it, I still think the fact that it happened at all ought to ring some warning bells. I think it did actually, or you probably would not be here posting about it to begin with. And that's a good sign. Just the fact that you felt you ought to say something to somebody, even if it's only here to start with, tells me that you already know there's a problem.
I would only add that I think this is a good start, but that talking about it face to face with somebody is a good second step. We can offer advice here, but when you involve somebody that you interact with in person too, it creates more of a personal aspect to the situation. You would be, in a sense, creating something of an "accountability" for yourself. If the only people you tell about this, aren't actually there, and can't see or hear that you're doing anything about the problem, it's a lot easier to brush it off as no big deal because it only happened this once. The problem is, if it happened once, it's likely to happen again.
Have you talked to your son about what happened? Have you apologized to him? If not, you ought to. Even if he didn't get upset about it (or just didn't appear to). If you're worried about how your husband might react, talk to someone else close to you first.
I really think that things like this should be talked about with someone you trust. You do sound concerned about it to me, as I think you should be. Like I said, I'm not saying YOU are abusive, but the act of screaming can be abusive even if it's not directed toward anyone specific, because it affects those who are exposed to it whether we like it or not.
It is good that you aren't just ignoring it totally. I hope you can find a way to talk about and deal with it face to face with somebody too though.
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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...
08 Nov 2012, 9:21 am
If I'd known way back when that I had this screwed-up condition, I would've done it and saved the state of Alabama, myself, and two men a lot of money and heartbreak. But there'd be 3 fewer beautiful souls in the world, so.....
