How Do You Experience Emotions And Relate Them In Language

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Hello WP,

I have a specific question regarding the experience of emotions and want to discuss it with you guys. My reasoning is a bit complicated, so I would appreciate it if you could follow my reasoning, which goes like this:

1. I've read that, in theory, ASD people experience emotions more strongly than neurotypicals (A Field Guide To Earthlings).
Apparently, ASD people experience emotions more strongly than neurotypical people. So, for example if I am happy, and I am on the ASD spectrum, then in theory my experience of happiness should be more potent then that of a neurotypical person.

2. However, I've noticed that neurotypical people tend to label emotions with strong language.
For example, say two neurotypicals have a conversation together. They talk for five minutes. During this conversation, based on the WORDS you might hear, not that much is going on. However, in terms of subtext; body language, tonality, speed of talking, eye contact, implicit assumptions, a lot more is going on. Now, at the end of the conversation, one of the neurotypicals tells me: that was a very awkward conversation. Specifically, they are using strong language: VERY and AWKWARD, they do not use light language such as "that was by and large a nice conversation but some parts were somewhat awkward".

3. The fact they label emotions with strong language implies for me that they had a strong emotional experience.
If I am experiencing a great deal of happiness, I would say: I am very happy. Therefore, if a neurotypical person says: I had an amazing experience, I would take it to mean that the amount of endorphins and dopamines (physical molecules related to feelings of amazement and happiness) was more numerous than if they were to say "I had an okay experience". The fact that neurotypicals often label their emotions STRONGLY, implies for me that they also feel more STRONGLY.

4. On the one hand, theory says that ASD people experience emotions more strongly. On the other hand, I see that neurotypicals use strong words to label emotions, which would imply that THEY experience emotions more strongly.
These two statements seem contradictory.

5. In my personal experience, I have the view that I do not experience emotions as strongly as the neurotypicals around me.
Specifically, say I am watching a TV-show like "The Office", which is famed for it's awkard humor. A neurotypical may label a situation as VERY AWKWARD. I would label the situation as, "well that was a little awkward, but nothing serious". Simply said, neurotypicals seem to engage social interactions on a heightened level and experience far stronger emotions than I do.

6. In my personal experience, criticism does not affect me as strongly as it does neurotypicals.
If someone were to be critical of me, and tell me that I did something wrong, and state this in strong terms, for example: "I do not want you to come to my party because I do not like you, because one time you said something I found insulting", my response would be "thank you for the feedback, I understand your position, it's within your rights to hold this opinion, and I'm sorry if I insulted you". However if I were to be this candid towards a neurotypical, they would likely feel destroyed, which once again implies that they feel emotions more strongly.

7. In conclusion, there's a lot of ASD literature that states that Autistic people feel more than neurotypicals, that they experience sensations more potently, that they experience emotions more powerfully... But the sensitivity of neurotypicals towards criticism, and the strong language they use to label emotions that do not seem all that strong from my perspective, imply that in fact the neurotypicals feel emotions more strongly. There's a theory that neurotypicals are better at filtering, that they're emotions are more blunted, that they are less sensitive towards stimuli and emotions, but it does not seem to fit with what I've seen so far.

Any thoughts?

Sometimes when I experience negative emotions even over seemingly minor things I can become completely and severely dysfunctional and debilitated because the emotions are so overwhelming.

Hi, dtpilgrim, and welcome to WP.

You raise an interesting subject. Personally I find choice of words is very difficult and I'm not that clued up on body language. However, I think the whole issue is more complex than you say. For example, as an introvert I don't feel a need to be very expressive in tone or body language, so that a scenario I find particularly enjoyable might only bring a smile, wherever a more extroverted person may be yelling and waving their arms about as they punch the air. Introversion and extroversion is another spectrum that is independent of AS.

But let's see what others have to say ...

We tend to be on the more extreme ends, so I would assume that at least some of us either feel things very strongly, or very lightly.

Depending on the situation I can feel things in pretty much at any strength. For instance, just because I can feel anger doesn't mean that whenever I feel anger related emotions I'm gonna be pissed off. It runs the whole gamut from slightly annoyed to nuclear explosion.
I think I have strong feelings more often than NTs do, but my emotions are not limited to strong feelings.


I also tend to use what OP calls strong language, often because I still feel the emotion as I say/write it (or re-experience as I do), but also because something that is only slightly annoying/fun/etc often isn't worth mentioning.

Experiencing emotions and relating them in language are not the same.
One can experience intense emotions but be socially withdrawn and lack motivation to express them or not understand how to relate them.

If I am extremely distressed I can't speak at all.

If I feel joy or excitement it tends to express itself stronger than most people but not always with words.

I don't think NT's feel the extremes as I do as frequently or as intensely as I do. If they did most of them would be on medication for it.

I find it's impossible to know what words like "very" mean to other people without clear understanding of their frame of reference (using numbers, or concrete things...which is ironic, I know, because I use those types of words myself).

I think it's impossible to compare emotional experiences between people in terms of rating them against each other, because they are so very subjective.

Two people could probably have an identical neurochemical response to something but experience that neurochemical response differently in terms of their thoughts about it/how they make sense of it, how they compare it to other experiences they have had, how they describe it, how they rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, etc.

Two people could have very different neurochemical responses (either to the same situation or to different situations) but describe them in very similar or identical ways.

I don't think that being autistic or NT is what determines how you experience emotions -- at least not by itself.

I feel things intensely, but I lack the ability to express them, because the expression of intense feelings has it's own set of intense feelings. It is an odd feedback loop.

So I tend to hold my emotional responses in, and often appear unmoved by things other people will express with movement, "strong" language, etc.

I am also very introverted and quiet, and it always seems to me that people are trying to hype their enthusiasm, interest, pain and suffering to get attention and to get their needs met. Apparently it works, but I just can't do it.

I do have times when I just can't keep the happy, excited, powerful emotions in and I will jump around and whoop, usually when no one else is around though.

John Dryden warned "beware the fury of a patient man." John Wayne played the eponymous Quiet Man. Not finding an outlet for strong emotions leads to a build up of stress which can be explosive.

I try to find expression for emotions but words often fail me, though going for a long run wonders. In my school days I used to trash the classroom when I couldn't find the words. The church flower display got shredded one Father's Day when the preacher foolishly said fathers need to up their game, when I was a singled dad. I get scared when intense negative emotions build up, in case I end up doing something arrestable and regret it forever. On the other hand, all too often I regret words I have used - I can't unsay them. I don't seem to get the same strength of emotions on the positive side.

I experience criticism in a negative way. When it is close to my annual review at work I become distracted and start worrying about any negative things my manager might mention in the review. One year the criticism was so severe that I actually began having suicidal thoughts and had to take 1 week off from work.

Deb1970, the theory is there should be no surprises at an annual review.

In practice, I try to have a 1 to 1 mini review with my manager at least every month and ideally once every two weeks. When I have extra tasks to do I try to send an email update at the end of each week. All this goes in my online diary so I have (yet another) list of things to tick off.

See if any of that helps. If it does not work straight away then keep trying a few more times to get used to it as a new habit.