Asperger's and Caring What People Think of You

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Until I was 12 or 13, I didn't care what people thought of me. It's not that I was a strong, self-reliant person (I wish I was.) It was that I didn't even *know* what people thought of me--my social awareness was close to zero. Then, all of the sudden, I became more aware, but it didn't show--it was a developmental gap, where it took years of practice to actually work up to my potential socially. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself for being awkward, and all of the sudden, I went from not caring what people thought of me to caring too much.

It got to the point where every embarrassing moment felt like the end of the world, and I self-diagnosed myself with social anxiety. I once called my mom for reassurance because I made a minor faux pas in class and I was worried everyone would think I was a freak!! !! I am now trying to work on caring less what people think of me. Is it common for people with AS to suddenly go from not caring what people think of them to caring too much?

That happened to me in college.

Prior to that, I really didn't care what people thought of me (though I did feel lonely and didn't like that.) Basically, I felt like if someone couldn't like me the way I was, that person wasn't worth having as a friend.

In college, some people basically told me that I was off/wrong/not nice the way I was. I didn't want to be that way, and became very conscious of what I was doing and began second-guessing everything I said or did.

That has abated somewhat, but not completely. I still have trouble in new situations and with new people, being afraid that I am doing something to offend people. I still have trouble when people seem to decide they don't like me. I tend to question what I did wrong instead of assuming there's something wrong with the other person. I still make some social faux pas. They may be minor but still make me look odd. I am always afraid that a minor faux pas will cause a major problem with someone.

Basically, before college my question was "What is wrong with everyone?"
In college it was, "What is wrong with me?"
For most of my adult life, it has been a mixture of these two questions and not knowing where the line is between the two.

"It's just not a good fit personalitywise" can be a helpful thing to consider, too. Though it's a good idea to think, if someone else pulls back, about whether you might have done things that would cause that. Insensitivity can rank high on the list. Assuming that others will tolerate neglect, or bad moods or ugly talk because you're having a bad moment, also big reasons why people with AS lose friends. Most people expect a lot of politeness and light contact in a friendship. But some of this is just another example of "not a good fit" -- if that much contact is difficult for you, and long silences are difficult for them, then there it is.

Yes, when I was young I didn't know other people noticed or thought about me. I went through a time of really being overwhelmingly socially anxious as I got older and worrying people noticed me and I thought that was frightening and bad.

Now I know most people are in general preoccupied with themselves not me, that helps a lot.

That's exactly how it was for me. Caring almost not at all and then all too much. While that may be somewhat true for NTs I get the feeling it's more intense for us. Because when we start to care we have trouble fitting in. We don't integrate naturally like them. We can have friends, good friends, and still feel like somehow we don't belong.

I have developed social anxiety as an adult, and I think that's from worrying too much about how others see you (it is in my case anyway).

When I was a child I had social awareness sometimes, and other times I didn't. When I was 8 I was diagnosed with Asperger's and I didn't want to tell anybody about it because I felt embarrassed and ashamed, so I obviously cared of how people saw me back then. But at the same time I did some stupid, weird things what make me cringe when I think about it. Like at playtime me and my cousin used to pretend to be at a circus, but just shuffle around the playground with our eyes half-closed and pulling an extremely goofy face with our teeth sticking out, humming to ourselves and imagining we were constantly juggling balls by flapping our hands up and down. Then one day my cousin was like ''can we not play this game any more? I keep seeing people laughing at us.'' I couldn't see why that was a problem, and we had an argument about it. Looking back, I bet we looked like right lunatics walking around the playground like that. I know the majority of children play imaginative games in the playground but we really stood out and just looked weird.

But now, yes, I worry too much of what people think.

I've always been in my own world too much to notice & much less care what others thought of me.

I used to not care at all but now as I grew older I started caring about that like when someone would do something bad or good or react or just pass in front of / to me I would keep thinking why did they do it and would involve myself in that, I went through this phase now I care less, I'm starting to get back to the way I was in the start.

After my diagnosis I went from wondering why I wasn't accepted to constantly trying to get accepted. I wish I was able to care less than I do, because I realised as a kid that having other people think poorly of you means total exclusion from everything

One of my firsts posts here on WP was exactly asking advice about "how much" i should care about peoples opinion about me, since i had a lot a trouble in the past without caring to what other people may think of me.
Nowadays i alternate between two extremes: Sometimes i met someone new and get interested in trying a friendship, so i try to do all that is within my reach to do not pass a negative impression and look friendly. Sometimes i even pass the limits, like Amy from The Big Bang Theory do for Penny lol
For the rest of the world, on the other hand, i don't even notice or care about what they think about me.