Do I have Asperger's?

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Sorry if this is in the wrong forum/inappropriate.

Lately, I've said I'm an Aspie. When I read some websites about Asperger's Syndrome, it seems to explain my entire life! When I come on these forums I notice a lot of people do things I do that I've always thought of as just being quirky or eccentric.

However, I think I can empathise quite well. I got a low EQ on the online test, but in everyday life I find myself thinking things like "Can we say criminals are truly bad? They might do it because....." and when my mum is angry with someone, I can usually provide a suggestion of what the other person's point of veiw might be.

I think I am quite sympathetic as well. I get upset about bad things that have happened to my friends and family. I try not to watch the news or read the paper because all the bad things in them make me miserable.

I can read facial expressions and body language (or at least I think I can!) and understand sarcasm and when someone is using an idiom, but couldn't when I was younger.

I can make friends and socialise, but not as well as I'd like to. I have always had a few friends, but I tend not to talk to anyone but those few friends and my family.

Could i still have Asperger's?

Argh! I really hope I can see a psychologist soon. The clinic keeps getting in a muddle and sending my information to the wrong place. I've been waiting since May.

Yes, it's possible you still are.
Quite a bit of things I read about are me too, but I never saw a couple of things that are my symptoms but are for autism. Like self-mutilation. I never read anywhere that it was a sign. But I did see that in autism. I wish I knew what is wrong though. I don't really like the idea of talking to a professional, like a counselor. Maybe it's out of fear they will be as helpful as everyone else I confided in.
Anyways, that's quite a long time to be waiting. Is that why you've been waiting, because of them sending to the wrong place?
Are you better at socializing online than in person like some people? Just wondered.

Not knowing is horrible.

I suppose they don't list self-injury as a symptom because it can be caused by so many other things, like stress or mood disorders or psychosis or ordinary unhapiness.

A counsellor wouldn't help in knowing if you have AS. A psychiatrist or clinical psychologist is who you need to see. It can be scary going, but they should help as it's their job to diagnose you! I have been to see a woman who is maybe the stupidest counsellor on the planet, but everybody else I've seen (my GP, psychotherapist, occupational therapist) has been helpful.

Erm, it's got very complicated! You don't have to read all this if you're not that interested. At first, my GP tried to refer me to the local hospital, and I was supposed to wait 3 weeks to hear from them, but I never heard anything. Somehow the referral was never sent. So I had a very confusing conversation with my GP and he sent a referral again. I wasn't sure where this was to. Then I started to have appointments at a local mental health clinic. I went back to see my GP recently, to mention Asperger's Syndrome (the mental health clinic weren't interested in that!) and he asked how I got on at the hospital. Turns out, he meant to send the referral to the hospital, not the clinic. He then tried to send yet another referral to the hospital, which has now arrived at the clinic. I'm waiting for the clinic to deal with this. When the damn thing finally gets sent, there will be another 3 weeks to wait for it to be processed or whatever, and then there will probably be a waiting list for appointments.
I might just go private!

Oh! I forgot your last question. I don't think I'm any better online! I seem to make fewer online 'friendships' than others, but maybe I just define friendship differently.

You're confusing having sympathy with having empathy. One can definitely be outraged about injustice or think abstractly about other people while still being autistic. : ) Empathy on the other hand is automatically reading others' emotions and things like that.

wow, seems pretty similar to my story! Hope you don't have to wait too much longer to find out. Not knowing can be frustrating. Best of luck!

Thanks for the reply.
And thanks for the tip.

As others have said, your confusing empathy with sympathy and logical thinking.

Exploring why other people did things via a logical process is not empathy. For example, saying 'Jeff probably said that to you because he was angry about what happened to his wife last night.' is not empathy. It is looking at a situation, analyzing it, and trying to find a reason why. That is a completely logical process. If anything, people with AS tend to be far more logical, and explore things from a cause-effect point of view. So, just because you can figure out why somebody did something doesnt mean you have empathy, it means you have an understanding of the cause-effect relationship.

Likewise, becoming angry at injustice, or commiserating with friends when they are upset isnt empathy. That is sympathy.

Understanding metaphors is not empathy, its being able to consider a double meaning to the words.

Empathy, by definition, is the ability to recognize, and understand other peoples emotions. This has 2 parts. The first part (recognizing the emotion) is something that should be done automatically in your brain without any logical thought process. Looking at somebody, considering the position of the eye brows, shape of the mouth, their tone of voice, and then guessing what they are feeling based on previous experience is not empathy. That is thinking your way through the process, and logically approximating empathy. Empathy is a natural understanding of what the person feels without having to think about it.

Step 2 in empathy is understanding WHY (not what) other people FEEL (not act) the way they do. This is my biggest problem. To me, the rest of the world just seems crazy. I have no trouble understanding why somebody is sad when their pet dies, that makes sense to me. But why do people do crazy things like buy gifts for their 'girl friend' who doesnt like them, it doesnt make sense to me. They tell me that they are 'in love', but to me the idea just seems ridiculous. How can you 'love' somebody who doesnt like you, and is trying to avoid you? Isn't love supposed to be a 2 way thing? Furthermore, why does buying gifts for people seem to change their opinion of you? Do they somehow forget that your a bad person simply because you gave them shiny metal?

Do people often seem to act crazy to you? Do they seem to have completely illogical responses to the situation? This site is called Wrong Planet because people with AS dont understand why people feel the way they do. Its like they use a completely different thought process. This leads us to feel as though we are amongst a weird alien culture that we dont belong to. If other people's feelings seem to make sense to you, then you have empathy. But if your like me, and consider other people to just be weird and illogical, then you probably are somewhat lacking in empathy.


Also, even if you do have empathy, it doesnt necessarily disqualify you from having AS. According to wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy#Em ... _disorders

Alexithymia (lacking empathy) occurs in only 85% of people with autism. You might be the 15% who doesnt have the problem.
According to the DSM IV, in order to have AS, you must have: Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

1. marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction
2. failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
3. a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g. by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
4. lack of social or emotional reciprocity

Lacking empathy isnt on the list as a criteria. A 'lack of social or emotional reciprocity' is somewhat similar to empathy, but if you have 2 other items on the list, then you dont need to have it.

Your last point, about being able to talk to close friends but not other people, I really identify with.
But that doesn't necessarily mean you have Asperger's.

The best advice I can offer if your unsure is to seek a proper diagnosis. This might take some time but at least you'd know for sure and be able to move on. Not knowing is the worst thing and won't help at all.

If you think you are frustrated about not knowing since may..i have been waiting 11 years for my diagnosis and its only genrally coming through now. I have found the semptoms and it just fits very well, but its not like I have all the symptoms. Like i can understand humour when it says Aspie people don't understand it very well. I know I have it, its just getting a prfessional to realize that and actually say that i have it. If they don't do that there will always be a niggling thing in the back of my mind saying well do I really have it...?

It sounds to me like you have REASONED THIS OUT and figure you have this because SO MUCH FITS and ARE SERIOUS.

Though you really said nothing to indicate that you do or don't have AS, the short synopsis I outlined makes me think you probably DO have AS. But HEY, that isn't bad.

Many of us are smart enough to work out how to get along. Well enough, at least, to get by. Im persuaded by the argument, though, that that still leaves a gap. On the NT side there's something missing, on the AS side there's something mising. NTs run the show and we lose.

I'd hate to have a mind that didn't leap from rock to rock. Life is humdrum enough as it is.

I despair, though, of breaking through to a life that isn't alone. And, if that's not going to happen, what's my fallback plan?

So, if you can get by without entertaining the notion of aspergers, do it. Confirming a diagnosis may help you survive the unbearable.

(If you're a kid, that's different. Growing up alone isn't ever easy, and not understanding makes it harder. IMHO. )

Yes, you have Asperger's. No need for a diagnosis.

Someone named Drakilor is very bored

Someone named ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo doesn't know about netiquette.

Wow - thank you everybody who's replied!

Sorry about the sympathy confusion.

Tracker - That was very helpful. Thank you! I think maybe I do lack empathy but not severely - I can pick up from people's voices if they are irritated, and I can pick up sometimes if 'something is wrong' with someone, but I don't know what - are they scared? In pain? Annoyed with me? And yeah, I do think other people behave strangely a lot of the time.

Xercies - that's terrible! Why have you had to wait 11 years?! I suppose I am the same as you in that I know I have it - people have always said it and so many things 'fit', but when you aren't diagnosed you think every now and again that maybe it's something different.

peterd - Yeah, growing up different and not knowing what makes you different is hard. For years I thought I must be crazy.

Drakilor - I don't think ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo is trying to be rude. Why do you say 'yes' and 'no need for a diagnosis'? Because you think it's what I want to hear?

I completly agree. Mostly because i did the same thing.

Anyone who can sit down and diagnose his/her own problems like you would with a broken machine should have a WrongPlanet account in my opinion. NT's usually seem to ask their friends for opinion first, not Google and Wikipedia...



Well, yes and no. Depends on your circumstances and what you want to do with your live. For most parts you will learn to cope with your condition. Things that require logic and shutting out emotions will really be your league. Writing romance novels or working in a counseling hotline might be problematic, though.

But as i said, for the most part you'll learn to llive with AS. While there are certainly bad days ahead, good days will come in equal share, if you let them...