Is it always "easy" to just go out and find a date ?

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chris1989
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03 Dec 2023, 12:18 pm

The thing that irritates me, is when it's being made out as though to just get out there and find a date is "easy" and that to not do so somehow makes you seem like an "effortless and hopeless loser" even if people are busy doing other things than having the time to date and would love to if they have the time but can't. I mean the thing is you can't just grab some person you are attracted to in the street to be your girlfriend or boyfriend because you've been single for too long and need to get out of the single status so people like friends or family don't keep asking you why you are still single. To make it seem like it's easy makes it feel like I've wasted precious time.

I even wondered earlier is it because of my interests and hobbies that I'm still single and too interested in those things than to try and go out to some social environment that doesn't interest me in the hope of meeting someone? I also don't always like the stereotype that some people put on other people who want to be in a relationship but have some quirky or sometimes obsessive interests and hobbies (for example: someone who loves cats, has some cats at home and cat pictures on their walls) as though they are "weird".



rse92
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03 Dec 2023, 12:44 pm

No.



nick007
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03 Dec 2023, 4:46 pm

I experienced that attitude a little when I was single & desperately trying to find a girlfriend. I do think that message could apply to a certain type of people who are very independent & dedicated to their careers. Those type of people need to make time to pursue a relationship & they may need to try meeting people outside of work. That said, I do NOT think that message applies to most autistic people, I guess it coulda applied to Bill Gates at one point but I think very few Aspies are as functional & independent as he was. That message can be very belittling & alienating to autistic people who want a relationship but struggle with making good impressions like lots of us here do. I know it can be very frustrating & depressing to be told to put myself out there when I was already trying to but having no luck. When I tried asking for advice & ideas on how to put myself out there, I got told things I was already trying or they were things I could not do due to my area or disabilities so the advice was useless at best for me.


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Mountain Goat
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03 Dec 2023, 6:36 pm

Not easy at all. In my life I have probably asked out about 20 ladies during my lifetime which is a lot. Only really properly dated twice and both times they asked me out.


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Lost_dragon
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03 Dec 2023, 7:18 pm

If only it were that easy.


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IsabellaLinton
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03 Dec 2023, 7:24 pm

It's not easy at all.

I didn't meet anyone worth dating until I was 51.



Benjamin the Donkey
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04 Dec 2023, 9:22 am

No, its not.

The only times I've "dated" are when women have initiated. Fortunately, it's happened quite often, though usually with disastrous results.

Fortunately, I'm now in a relationship with someone who understands me well.


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ProfessorJohn
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06 Dec 2023, 11:07 am

For some people it does appear to be fairly easy-especially those who are attractive with very good social skills. I have known a few friends like that.

It hasn't been like that for me, and based on what I read here, it isn't that ways for many ND individuals. Most of us don't have superb social skills. That is something that doesn't seem to come with ASD.



nick007
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06 Dec 2023, 3:56 pm

ProfessorJohn wrote:
For some people it does appear to be fairly easy-especially those who are attractive with very good social skills. I have known a few friends like that.

It hasn't been like that for me, and based on what I read here, it isn't that ways for many ND individuals. Most of us don't have superb social skills. That is something that doesn't seem to come with ASD.
Good point. In my experience the people saying that can not relate to struggling to get dates &/or they they do not know how to be supportive of my situation or don't really care to be.


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