Girlfriend's past

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Yes it is sleezy, by not enough in their view to make them leave when he asked them. Yes their opinion may change later, but consent is not about after the fact.

compulsion has two meanings



It is pure speculation you are right. Compulsion 2. doesn't invalidate consent. Legal Coercion does, however it doesn't meet the bar for that.

Is it not also possible that the girls for whatever reason wanted to do it? Women do have sexual desire too, or may do it for other reasons, which is no less valid a choice. Being virgin it is often goign to hurt. So that discomfort is expected.

I heard of a guy and two girls in university, getting into a threesome. One girl decided she didn't want to, so she left. There is no issue there. She was embarrassed sure. I personally find these scenarios quite odd, you would have to be quite comfortable around you friend to be intimate in their presence let alone interact in a sexual manner. I wouldn't feel that way when drunk.

It is entirely possible that girls stayed for different reasons from each other. Maybe there was an element of peer pressure. However still it still doesn't mean they don't consent, or were unable to.

Alcohol lower inhibitions that is part of why people drink, but that is not the same a saying they don't want to do it. People often drink in order to be more socially uninhibited.

Ok no problem just wanted to make that clear. As many people have consensual sex on alcohol every day.

I believe the legal authorities would have seen this like a "mutual combat" sort of situation. Both "sides" we're intoxicated.

I feel the main point in all this is that the OP should get off his moral high horse, and move on from this.

The lady did an honorable thing by revealing this to the OP.

So you think simply being intoxicated and the other not is enough to invalidate consent. Regardless of impairment, regardless of if the other person knows this or to what extent?

So basically what you are saying by "mutual combat", is they violated each other so it cancels itself out. The point of the example was to show that intoxication is not the same as incapacity or inability.

The law doesn't say judgment can't be impaired, it says they have to be capable of consenting. Anything else is so subjective due process cannot be applied. We can choose to impaired our judgement at any time. Our brain have multiple 'voices' in decision making, there is no way to check or police that nor shoudl there be.



It was an act of trust, although it is entirely her choice to reveal it. What she feels comfortable doing. That is no less honorable IMO.

I think people are still making assumption about how she felt about at the time, based more on the OPs reaction, which is his own feeling not hers. Even if she shows regret, doesn't mean she felt the same way about it at the time as he does now, or people on this thread.

I don't think people would feel the same way if it was two lad an a 40 yr old lady. So it is them placing societal expectations based on gender and making assumption. Perhaps this is out of empathy or desire to protect.

I know this subject makes people uncomfortable especially when discussing the finer points, but those nuances are important and legal distinctions do matter. Not everything is black or white morally speaking.

My thoughts in a nutshell.

Am I the only one who finds the story - particularly the amount of detail and the wording - suspicious to say the least?

That's my point. Morality shouldn't be seen in black-and-white terms.

The OP should move on from this.

When I speak of "mutual combat," I'm speaking of the scenario presented to the OP by the lady.

I agree that "consent" and "intoxication" have many variables, and that each situation must be considered on an individual basis.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 11 Sep 2016, 8:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

Nope the person I talked to about it said it read like softcore erotica.

I though it read like someone crafting a moral uncertainty example, with several gotchas hidden within.

A few of them have been stepped on, there is another one I can think or related to culpability, nobody has yet stepped on it yet.

At no point does it say she was nearly passed out. All involved were intoxicated. I agree about the manhood, that is silly.

I'm sorry to the OP but yes, I agree, I was immediately suspicious about the amount of detail in this story. I apologize profusely to the OP if this was not a made-up story but a real event, but, I seriously can't believe this post. It does read like a work of erotic fiction. The detail is bizarre, particularly since he wasn't there.

This plus the fact that this was the the person's first post ever.

First post ever, and it sounds like he's turned on by his own account. Sorry, not buying it.

I would tend to believe the story.....because I have seen this sort of thing happen, though I didn't participate.

Back in the 1970s and early 1980s, this sort of thing was very common. After the "discovery" of AIDS, people became quite a bit more cautious.

It does read like "soft porn," but I'm more inclined to believe than disbelief.

I don't find this is something to "brag" about. This doesn't put the women in a good light (via the double-standards of society--let me emphasize!).

I see this as sort of a "confessional" type situation on the part of the lady.

It's not that I find the story itself unbelievable, but the way it has been told here. And he's supposed to know it from his girlfriend who was allegedly very drunk at the time, yet remembers and shares with him every detail of this traumatic experience? Also the imbecilic/cheesy details and tropes: the guy keeps at it for hours but cannot finish because he drank too much (really?), the girls are also very drunk yet they magically sober up in the morning, after having sex for several hours , the hug and the morning after pill to wrap thing up "nicely". Don't even get me started on the choice of words and images "he proceeds to make them ready", "the tent smells like sex". WTF

Even if he's not trolling or baiting us, his first reaction to hearing about two young girls being taken advantage of while intoxicated is to come here claiming he's the victim and whines about his "manhood"

So he's either a troll or an a**hole. I put my money on troll.

The OP certainly didn't create a positive impression.

You would think people have better things to do than to troll on a site for neurodiverse people.

He hasn't answered us.....maybe he thought better of it?

I agree. He might not "technically" be a rapist, but he's a womanizing sleazebucket that no parent should feel comfortable leaving their daughters alone with.

Anyway OP; don't worry about the past. Don't dwell on it, don't melodramatically "forgive" her, just move on and enjoy your future together. Because it sounds like that's what she wants to do.

Maybe.

But it's a sad fact that a lot of men really do think this way. Usually it's men who are inexperienced themselves, and naive about relationships; they want the ideal "Disney Marriage" with a blushing virgin princess. Men throughout history have valued chastity (often to a toxic extreme), the hashtag #NoHymenNoDiamond is a good example of this.

I tend to agree, it is sort of in the mold of old school BBS troll. However at no point was trauma mentioned. You are assuming it was traumatic, this is not necessarily that case, there are things in the op that contradict this view.