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Why People Date Jerks

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Summer_Twilight
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06 Oct 2021, 11:18 am

I have never dated jerk, but I had a huge crush on a couple of jerks who both led me around and played all kinds of mind games.

The one who comes to mind, is also on the spectrum, next to being a covert narcissist. He hooked me in by love bombing me and playing all the hot and cold game with me. He would also do a good job of convincing me that he liked me back before gaslighting me. "I have never had romantic feelings for you." Then he would ignore me completely and act as if none of this would ever happen next to acting like I did something that he offended him. He did a good job of convincing me that things were going to "Get better" when I got caught in this vicious cycle. I eventually had to let him go

As for why people date or marry jerks, they do a good job with the love bombing and keeping a person hooked into their webs. Also, it could be due to levels of low self-esteem, loneliness, peer pressue, etc.



theprisoner
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07 Oct 2021, 6:38 pm

They're confused. I find people operate more on instinct than any kind of reason or cognitive reflection. It's all very primal.


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21 Nov 2021, 1:24 am

Pepe wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
And maybe not all women think themselvs perfect and get annoyed by the idea we all subscribe to the same book of attractiveness where we have some specific code of what is too ugly to date and we are conspiring to withhold sex from deserving incels who just want a woman to use without considering that the woman is a person to. Why is that so hard to understand that incels just want women to be sex objects, they don't actually want a relationship...they just want someone to be a whore for them and will accept nothing less.


Well, I haven't studied the subject of "Involuntary Celibates", but I don't think they intended to treat women like objects in the beginning.
Their standards are probably too high, they are physically unattractive, or their social skills are hopeless.

Personally, I blame the life system.
The involuntary genetic coding bred into us as a result of the evolutionary process.

Most of how we feel isn't about social conditioning when we physically mature.
It is the primitive parts of the brain taking over as a result of the procreation mechanism.
And the sex drive in men is harder to control than in women, imo.
I was a woman in a previous life, so I know. :mrgreen:

I don't see this statement as sexist.
There is a mountain of evidence that indicates women find it easier to cope with celibacy.
It is simply the way testosterone works as opposed to oestrogen.

There may be exceptions to the rulz, however.
If you know someone, tell me. :mrgreen:


When people use the term 'treat women like objects' do they mean mostly sexually, or in a general sense?



OutUponATreeBranch
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21 Nov 2021, 2:27 am

Quote:
When people use the term 'treat women like objects' do they mean mostly sexually, or in a general sense?


So in my understanding, the term "treating like an object" is to use them sexually, whether that's straight up sex or something seemingly less overt, like flirting with a Hooters waitress.

As much as I want to believe women aren't attracted to aholes, I just have too much evidence to suggest to me that at least younger women are sometimes attracted to men that are seemingly bullying them. Don't know why, I have my guesses, but I also don't really care anymore cause I think that life phase is over for me.

That's not to say that manipulation and inital kindness with the abuse happening later doesn't happen, I've just seen too many very strange attractions I'll never understand. I'm not going to mention them here cause, well, I'm being PC.

I mean if someone has a better explanation for that I'd love to hear it.



nick007
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24 Nov 2021, 12:03 pm

When I was a kid & a girl would bully a boy, my teachers would say that it was because she liked him. Perhaps some women do not out-learn that behavior & assume that a guy being mean to her means he must really like her :chin:


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25 Nov 2021, 1:28 am

Because they're stupid.


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Shy_Aspergers_Lady
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26 Nov 2021, 8:42 am

True. I often thought that a man's good looks were enough for me, but they're really not. I need some substance. I need to be treat with respect. Not like a princess. It would just be nice to have a very loving man. THAT'S enough for me. A man can flex his muscles at me and brag all he wants, but I get so easily bored of it. So all of these men the public like to call "Ugly rejects", well at least there's more for me. And actually, the "physically ugly" men I've dated in the past, turned out to be the most committed and have a very warm welcoming personality. The man doesn't have to want to get married or have kids with me. Hell, he doesn't even have to want to live with me. Just being around each other at times is enough.