Would you date a pua?

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I don't personally care for the bad boy-nice guy argument in this regard. Truth is, you have to be comfortable and confident in yourself, and only in yourself. That goes a long way with anything you do. But the tricky part is allowing this now found comfort in yourself to become natural instead of reverting back to your old ways (your ego, or the devil if you want to call it that, wants to survive and not let you become happy).

I did get a GF.and she dumped me.

I probably would have found a girlfriend by now if my time around people wasn't so dang limited.

ok so i have some comments and questions first

Type 6- Good person + socially awkward + insecure = just friends (no potential)

what is insecure is it like unsecure if so wouldn't being in a relationship lead to the person being more secure feeling
it sounds like its based off expeince which can't be gained if you're rejected for being you

i honestly don't know what it means as it seem each woman has adifferent meaning to to the word irritates me
where woman A might find me insecure woman B might see me as great so i am very confused

so it leaves me wondering am i insecure/clingy or am i normal and just like being with someone

"... another one who doesn't know the difference between a self-proclaimed "nice guy" and a guy who actually is nice.
If you're nice, you don't need to announce it. People will notice."

describing yourself as nice guy is announcing it? I use as a description of myself cause 99% of people i know and meet say i am a nice guy, kind guy, you're so sweet so i see it as a description, not bragging or announcing it

first off i'd say i'm sorry some guy did the PUA on you but then most the time people will respond that i'm white knighting, cause caring about a hurt woman is bad apparently. I can't help it i was raised by all women to treat women as equals and be a kind person though i will admit i would also say sorry or jump to defend a guy something about a woman being hurt, abused, or crying does penetrate deep into my caring soul and i'll generally cry

i geuss i'll say it anyways though sorry that happen certianly isn't right for anyone to do that to a person

but onto the other reason i'm replying. i don't be nice to get stuff esspecially not sex was from my topic in another section idk if i want and wouldn't want some lady .... me cause i did something nice ewww, i want ti to come from love and wanting to do it

I don't even expect a relationship, yes i'd like one but i don't expect anything from a woman

I do wish more women would be like yeah hes not great looking or rich but i'll give him a chance and see if i might love his personality. not to many super models or celbs out there to go around and looks change with age. and i not asking someone who isn't at all attracted to be with me as i can't even do that but i look past looks and give people chances

also i don't like to say good things about my self and only do so cause people tell me to they like you good at this and you're sweet make sure to use thoses etc as for being nice i can't help it even when i don't like someone i have to treat them with respect and i'll try to help them. gosh knows it'd be easier not to


also are thier women PUA? if so then i'd mostly fall for it i don't pick stuff like that up, though i had a friend live with me for a year alsways putting me down and using me felt like my room was more his room doesn't sound like negging?? cause he didn't want sex just shelter, food, and booz

i feel you on that i think if i could find a place to go to where nice women hung out and manage to talk to them i might be able to get a gf well if they come out and say they like me

sadly i can't only way i can start talking to women is thru text

If you can't manage confidence, manage courage. Plenty of girls are endeared to a guy that has the balls to face his fears. Once you've done it a few times and realize it's not so scary, confidence comes organically from within. That's the kind of confidence you don't need to "maintain".



So get another one then.

I'll try.

I completely disagree with your logic. You're implying that being nice is a requirement for being a decent person, yet at the same time people who lack the skills of being nice are still "more decent" than people who are nice. Your argument that nobody deserves anything from being nice is completely flawed. It goes against the logic of trade. There is no logical reason why anybody should do something they don't have to for others if they don't want to, and they're not going to get rewarded for it. Yet, it's the bare minimum?

Yes.

I do nice things for people all the time without expecting anything in return. It's not hard to do.

There's absolutely nothing flawed about it. I seriously pity a person who sees social actions as mere acts of trade and lacks the ability to act like a decent human being whenever there's no immediate reward.

Try being nice for a person once just for the sake of making them smile, will you? For some people that is sincerely a "reward" high enough, if you like.

There is assumption of expectation tied in with consistently 'nice' behaviour which means that even if you are not guaranteed a reward for interaction with that person, you can be reasonably assured you will not be harmed either.

Sounds complicated.

To sly:

Insecurity often relates to identity and status. Also refer to jealousy and trust. If you can't allow a gf to talk to other men because of some fear that they will be more attracted to them than they are you, that is what insecure is (especially if you communicate it). You may also be conveying a lack of confidence in your own abilities in this regard as well.

Of course, there are some women out there that will provoke your insecurities as well. I had one last year that dumped their ex for me. Then when I would ask her to see me, I would get "can't. Studying for exams." A couple days later when we are talking, I'm finding out that she was hanging out with her ex anyway. She claims "He won't let me go." Yet when her birthday came and I asked her what time she wanted to hang out, she expressed the desire to be with him instead. I couldn't take it anymore and dumped her. She claims she was upset that I did that, but I doubt she even cared when she got what she wanted anyway.

Sadly, when it comes to being insecure.. the standards are a little strange. A man has to be confident and secure with himself, or a girl won't date him. That is the impression I get. Yet, a woman is allowed to be lacking confidence and be totally insecure and they want us to accept them as they are. Remember women who quote this: "can't deal with me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." These same women in my experience usually can't accept a guy at his worst either. Go figure.

To Lilia:

He said you don't even deserve a smile for being nice.

At least for me, the kind of insecurity I don't want falls into several categories: object-protection (as in "the other person belongs to me/my precioussssss"), constant reassurance (as in "I hate myself but it's your job to constantly reassure me"), neurotic anger (as in "if you don't fulfill this picture I have in my head about what love should be like, I hate you/you're mean"), and what could loosely be described as an airless duet (as in "we can have no personal space ever, you can't ever be without me.")

It's not that I expect people not to feel insecure (I think we all have our reasons to be insecure), it's that I expect them to deal with their insecurities, instead of constantly making it my problem. I have my own insecurities, and while I don't mind the occasional reassurance, being asked to constantly reassure them that I'm not going anywhere is a problem (as is never being allowed to go anywhere/super territorial behavior on their part.)

As far as a reward for behavior, I'd class that analogously to 'keep your neurosis to yourself'--if you choose to be nice, and you should because it makes things easier on you, you are doing it because you want to. People may or may not notice, but that's not really the important part. The important part is conforming to your own ethical standards and not being a giant a**hole to others. If you hold your breath waiting for people to come pat you on the head for being nice, you'll suffocate before anyone notices.

My hero.