Question about the NT/AS women stuck in the past

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NT Woman says: I miss my high school years, I was so popular and I had allot of fun. I miss those days


AS Woman say: I miss those days when I lived in the city, I was popular I got to dance every night, I was so happy then. (crying when she said this)


These are memories of theirs that are over 10 years ago. I am their boy friend when they say these things to me.

Why are they stuck in the past like this? Is it because they were "most desired" in this time frame? Guys or should I say boys constantly kissing up to them for a chance of sex?

Should I be a little insulted that they reminisce how "better" it was even when I am their boyfriend at the time?

People are "stuck in the past" because they feel "nostalgic" for days which seemed more innocent than they are today. Nostalgia involves a bittersweet longing for past glories. There is a tendency to ignore the "bad" aspects of those days, for understandable reasons.

As far as the ladies are concerned, I don't feel nostalgic for the past at all. Ladies weren't exactly swooning at my feet then.

I know what you mean, though. It's irritating when ladies glorify guys who aren't "you." I've sense that in past girlfriends, that longing for a time when they didn't have to deal in the "here and now" of relationships.

I'm a woman posting here: You are right about guys sucking up to them in the past for a chance of sex. They miss guys working so hard to have sure sex with them. It got around that a guy had to "work" to get sex with these two. These girls gave it up even back then - but only after guys worked for it. They used to have their whole life ahead of them back in "those" days. Now, they give it up easily out of fear that they'll never have anyone because things have slowed down a lot and they're a lot older. They're not being nostalgic. They're bitter because nobody tries so hard for them anymore.
If they said to you,"I miss it back in the day when you used to take me dancing every Friday night and afterwards we'd go out for ice cream sundaes and that's why I'm so dreamy today! But I'm still crazy about you after all these years." Now, that's being nostalgic. If I were you, I'd feel kind of insulted that they're telling me those things. It's as if they're telling you to get lost without actually saying it. Women that are into you don't talk about things like that. That's something that women tell their gay guy friends or female friends. There is a slight possibility that they're hinting for you to do more for them either with the promise of sex or to just use you to fill the egotistical need for some guy to do all the work while they give it up to another guy who doesn't lift a finger for them. It's a way for a woman to balance things out. What they do is blur the lines a bit - like it's one guy instead of two where one does everything for them but the other gets the pie. A woman will keep doing this until something happens to change the whole scenario - a 3rd guy, a fight, a break-up, a proposal, the list goes on.....

That makes about as much sense as the rambling proposal I just read that we should go back in time and establish the state of Israel in the smoldering ruins of Germany.

1. OP: Please, kill the idea in your head that women are glorying in some supposed ability to make men beg for sex and that they can have any man they choose. It's a sick fantasy and morose rationalization of your own prior rejections.

2. It's, you know, both possible and permitted to miss things from a time that was more fun. Occasionally I genuinely miss the 80s because, for real, it was a huge and awesome party if you were too young and dumb to understand where all the money was coming from.

3. Please stop thinking everything is about you. ("It's irritating when ladies glorify guys who aren't you"? You mean like it's bad that women should ever have had a good time before they met you? Ah, I get it, they just shouldn't talk about it, and preferably should forget it ever happened. Mindwipe from the point they met you all the way back.) Their entire lives are not about you. If you're thinking, "I'm here, why isn't your life more globally awesome than any other time you had in the past?" then either you are Keanu Reeves or you're a bit of an embarrassment to yourself.

So true, especially since we all know that if a guy wants sex he has to pretend not to care about it.

Same principle goes for getting a GF a lot of the time.

I miss my "glory days." I miss being sixteen and innocent, even if I did spend all my time outside of school alone because I had no friends, and even if I was being used for money, an adult-free house, and a car by my cousins. I miss being innocent, having relatively few responsibilities, knowing that Daddy/Grandma/Aunt/Teacher would handle it, having my whole life and most of my worst mistakes in front of me. I miss having questions that someone with greater wisdom and experience could answer.

I miss my 20s. I miss living in a $5000 trailer that I could replace, even if with some hardship, if it fell apart. I miss the fact that I could put on my coat, buy a pack of cigs and a soda, walk out on the street, and find someone to talk to (even if I had to hunt, and speak to two dozen strangers, and get 50 strange looks before I found somebody that wanted to converse about whatever happened to be on my mind. I miss having only one kid (instead of four) and being able to get our friends (who all lived in the same town) together, buy sodas and pizza, make a pot of coffee, and play Vampire until 2:00 in the morning on a Wednesday because Thursday classes didn't meet until 10:00.

I miss living in Arkansas. I miss having only two neighbors, one of them half a mile away, and sending my kids to a school where teachers didn't worry about a first-grader's college opportunities. I miss being in a place where most parents thought that Sunday church and, moreover, quality time as a family mattered more than having your kid in half a dozen "enriching" extracurricular activities. I miss going to the farm stand in April and putting my name on the list and having the old guy call me up on a Tuesday afternoon to ask me if I want three bushels of damaged tomatoes at $7 a bushel. I miss being able to stop by the fruit truck and buy strawberries and blueberries for $12 a gallon and cantaloupe for $1 a piece.

I very much miss my father being alive.

I am nostalgic about a lot of things.

It doesn't mean that I don't like my life now, or that I'm unhappy about where I am and who I'm with. There are always things that were better and worse about the past, and people tend to remember the better and forget the worse (just like we tend to focus on what's wrong in our lives now and forget what it is good, because what is good does not stress us and/or require our immediate attention).

It must be a guy thing-- my husband gets upset when I hope to change things for the future or reminisce fondly about the past. My advice would be to put your personal insecurity in a bag, put your arm around the girlfriend in question, and let her reminisce. Talk with her about how it must have been fun. Take notes-- dancing might or might not be up your alley, but there are probably some of those missed activities that you can enjoy together here and now.

Lol, I get nostalgic about some things in the past but the way you describe it it's like a trend among women and I totally can't relate to that.
I was a lot happier when I was 11 and my dad wasn't dead yet, so of course I will be thinking back to this time a lot. And yeah I will sometimes get nostalgic about that, or about the times when I was innocent and 16 acting crazy skinny dipping with my friends in greece. That doesn't mean I am not happy with you.

Nothing in what they said indicate that they wish guys desiring them for sex again; or that they are glorifying other guys, what made you think it's the case? Did they say anything else that made you think like that?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 25 Jul 2014, 6:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

I didn't know you're Israeli, that's new.

Either you are insecure or they are horrible at reassuring you of where the relationship is going.

These are ex GFs now

for other reasons besides these statements

It was a pattern that I noticed from the both of them. I didn't think much of it at the time until after the break up.

This is good information you guys and gals are giving me. I did not feel insulted then, so I shouldn't over analyze just so I can be insulted now.

Excellent please continue.

i am confused by the main post. but it made some sense to me, lol...
but along with what others say. also i think that being "stuck" in memories like that, can be ptsd(if it was somehow tramatic or linked to a tramatic event), or it could also be the vivid movie memories that most asd's have. very similar to a photographic memory.

I'm not. I'm just easily surprised by stupidity. But then they don't teach the kids European history, they have no idea what went on. Honestly, some of these things...I'm seeing things about what "awesome revenge" it would've been for the post-Holocaust Jews. (shakes head). It's just boys treating the situation as a video game.

That went to a special place.


Thank you every one for being straight up and brutal with me. I had allot of fun with these girls. All of you help me not be an idiot before acting like an idiot in front of my ex girl friends. One of them is talking to me again, and we have a mutual agreement to take is slow.

Expect allot more crap from my twisted mind so all of you can insult me and tell me how much of a creep I am acting like.

To reassure every one this is not sarcasm!

Again Thank you! ^_^

Did you read the first line of her post?

What a stupid thing to get pissed off over.

Everyone makes comments like that. It's not "being stuck in the past", it's talking about things that have happened in their life that they miss.. aka.. "normal".