People don´t make eyecontact with me a lot

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SocOfAutism
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16 Feb 2016, 11:47 am

Nocturnus wrote:
Neurotypical people have an innate sense to read and reciprocate body language, I'm sure that some of them are not aware that they aren't paying attention to it. They respond to receptive body language on a stronger level, unless they are avoiding eye contact to make you feel more comfortable.



Very good points!

I spend a good deal of time studying this. I'm a sociologist who studies autistic adults and, among other things, something called symbolic interactionism, which is the study of small social actions and what they mean. I can tell you the offensive part of this first and then get into what I actually think is going on.

It has been casually observed for some time that neurotypicals seem to be experiencing an Uncanny Valley effect when looking directly into the eyes of many autistic people. The short explanation is that the NT subconsciously perceives the autie/aspie to be not fully human and this creeps them out.

I have done a LOT of reading about this and so far I think what is happening is a combination of the NT picking up on the anxiety from the autie/aspie and also the lack of tiny facial muscle movement from the autie/aspie. So what they are seeing is a slightly slack face with animated eyes.

To test this, OP, I would want to know if people are able to perceive your mood from your face. Can they tell when you're interested versus bored? Sleepy versus sick? Not just big differences like happy versus sad, but small things, like hungry versus anxious.



Watson1244
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27 Apr 2016, 8:20 pm

I have the same situation! When it's one on one, people seem fully engaged - in fact, I'm often told I'm the "never met a stranger" type of person. But, when I'm in a group, personally or professionally, I am often the one who the person talking doesn't make eye contact with or talk directly to. I feel like I'm highly engaging...and active listener. There must be something off-putting about me. Its strange because I have lots of friends and people seem to go out of their way to talk to me. But, in a group (or just a few of us), it's like people avoid eye contact with me - even when I'm actively searching for it.
Thoughts? :idea:



spinelli
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30 Apr 2016, 11:30 am

We're just fillers for NTs to talk to until someone better comes along. They even do it to each other.



ladyelaine
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30 Apr 2016, 12:52 pm

People only talk to me when their popular friends aren't around. I have had deal with this pretty much everywhere whether its church or volunteering at my old middle school. Kids do it too. Nobody ever talked to me in school unless their popular friends weren't around. Kids would be friends with me until they got accepted by the popular kids in the class. Then they would join the popular kids in making fun of me.



Kafka on the Shore
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02 May 2016, 5:25 am

I wonder, do they know that you have Asperger's or autism? If not, is it slightly possible that they suspect it?

If so, perhaps they are taking into account it might make you uncomfortable?


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