WHAT CAN AN NT DO TO MAKE A FRIENDSHIP WORK WITH YOU

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What can a person with a Neuro-Typical personality do to make a friendship work with an Aspie?

Here are a few observations to ponder ...

1) Make no issue at all of the fact that the "NT" has a Neuro-Typical personality. We can see it, hear it, and practically feel it the moment you walk into the same room. Eventually, every Aspie seems to react to the "I'm an NT and I want to be your friend" pitch in much the same way as an NT might react to the "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you" pitch. Neither of these seem credible to those of us who have been around for a while.

2) Convince the Aspie that their alleged friendship is not really a ploy to abuse, exploit or otherwise take advantage of the Aspie in any way, shape, or form. Aspies are likely to have experienced many false friendships before they've graduated high school, so this may be extremely difficult for an "NT" who has likely never experienced any form of abuse or exploitation in their lives.

3) Convince the Aspie that the "NT" genuinely likes the Aspie for him- or her-self, and not for their wealth, their property, or for any other potential social or economic benefit that the Apsie may represent. Spend time with the aspie, doing whatever the Aspie finds enjoyable, whether it is playing archaic board games, violent video games, or quiet card games.

4) Convince the Aspie that the "NT" wants to spend time with the Aspie, and not just hang around with the Aspie while the "NT" texts or talks with their real friends on their smart phones. Nothing says "false friend" more than someone who is physically with the Aspie, but mentally and emotionally engaged with someone else who is not even in the same room.

5) Start out with a slow, quiet, truthful, low-key approach. A simple self-introduction, followed by an expressed mutual interest usually works. Rushing in with a jumble of words in a loud voice induces anxiety, and is the same deceptive approach used by door-to-door salespeople to 'hook' a potential customer into buying their products and services. After several encounters with such people, it is much safer for an Aspie to say, "No, thank you" and walk away from a potential friendship than to risk being ripped off again.

6) Generally speaking, we Aspies do not like surprises, whether good or bad - a surprise birthday party can be just as stressful as a being cut off on the freeway. A sudden change in behavior from a friend can be baffling, especially when that 'friend' insists that "everything is fine". Even if the change is not due to something we said or did, we may still believe that it is somehow our fault, and that we could say or do something to make things better if only our "friends" would tell us the truth about why they're suddenly avoiding us or giving us the "cold shoulder" treatment.

7) Do not equate personal worth with personal wealth. Many Aspies are on limited or fixed incomes. If an Aspie cannot afford to take you out on a "date", then offer to pay for the date yourself. If you are not willing to do this, then you are better off dating your "NT" friends and leaving the Aspies alone.

Many of us do not enjoy interruptions, either. If you want to drop in on an Aspie friend, try to call ahead to see when would be a good time. The general idea is that whatever we've chosen to do at the moment is so important to us that any interruption will induce some form of anxiety. Some people understand and respect this; but most seem to interpret this as an excuse for me to 'screen' my visitors - then they will either drop by without warning anyway, or they don't drop by at all.

9) Be prepared for honesty. Not just the lack of lies, deceptions, and "head games"; but the kind of honesty you might expect from someone who does not ever notice if you are offended by the by what they say. For example, if you are overweight, and you ask your Aspie friend if wearing your new outfit makes you look fat, expect to receive and deal quietly with an answer like, "No, you were already fat before you put on that outfit". This is what some people call "brutal" honesty; but Aspies tend to not anticipate that you may be unable to handle this much honesty, and may not understand why you would be offended. After all, you would not want someone to lie, now would you?

10) Above all, know that Aspies are people with feelings, even though they may be unable to adequately and appropriately express those feelings in ways that people with Neuro-Typical personalities may accurately recognize and understand. We are not robots. We are not "Rainmen". We are neither space aliens nor angels/demons trapped in human bodies. We are not reincarnated souls. And we are neither the next step in human evolution, nor the result of cross-breeding with ancient humanoid species (i.e., Atlanteans, Neanderthals, Thetans, et cetera).

We Are People!

Deal with it!

Well, I, unfortunately, don't have time to read this entire thread----I DID read the whole first page, though----but, I wanted to add my 2 cents, and I'm hoping I'm not repeating what someone else already said.....

Please, somehow, understand that "stupid" and "smart" can reside in the same body / brain. Sure, we might be able to tell you the ENTIRE history of "whatever"----but, at-the-same-time, not be able to fill-out a simple form; and, we don't know why, that's just the way it is. (A theory of mine, is that it's because we can't do "simple", cuz there's nothing to analyze.)

Yeah, we might be able to do calculus in our head, and, at-the-same time, not be able to maintain a checking account ledger----and, we don't know why; that's just the way it is.

I can totally understand why that would be difficult to understand----but, let me tell ya, it's MUCH harder to LIVE [it].

Thanks, for asking!!

There's all sorts of neurologically-based theories pertaining to Asperger's/Autism floating around.

And you accused him of not being an aspie and said a few other things that I would consider rude. This isn't 100% on him.