How to talk to others with asperger's or autism.

Post Reply New Topic

How do you talk to other people with asperger's or autism?

NT's are tough enough, but I could imagine other aspies and autistic folk would be a bit more challenging for me - given as I want to talk to others and will be going to a local social group soon I guess I should get some tips on this.

Say for example when you try to start-up a conversation with an aspie/autistic person and they reply but either putting a stop to the conversation or steering it into a direction where you very much have to make the next move...you have to pursue them and do the work to keep the conversation going or to try starting-up a conversation again. Is this really them being a bit difficult to talk to, or is that them saying they don't want to talk to you?

I know I can be awkward to talk to, I tend to expect the person I'm having a conversation with to be psychic and ask or say something in just the right way in order to get just the right reply from me, or sometimes when someone starts a conversation with me out of no where I will just shut down, give quick grunts or short replies to ensure the conversation doesn't go on. It doesn't mean I wouldn't be open for a conversation another time in a more structured setting though, I'd want others to push ahead and try again, but is this common for other aspies/autistic folk?

Should I push with other aspies/autistic people to get them to talk to me, or just leave them - how do you tell when an aspie/autistic person is open to some sort of social interaction with you?

When me and my nephew got together the first time (we are close in age) we kind of just talked at each other we didn't really notice until later when someone pointed it out. I know that is not really helpful to you.

I do well with one's that talk a lot because I am not capable of verbally speaking a lot, but I have very limited experience with that.

I usually find that when I talk to one of my friends (6 friends currently, 5 of whom have aspergers or autism). The we ussaly end up have a conversation like this:

Ryan: "Hello".

Me: "Salve".

Ryan: "How have you been"

Me: "Fine"

Me: "How have you been"

Ryan: "Fine"

Me: "Good".

it is easier is some ways (they are easier to comunicate with as there laungage is easier to understand and far less crude (swaering etc) but NT
do no when to say something.

Hope this helps..

Great thread.

I don't have much experience speaking to AS people (I've done it before but like once or twice). If you know the person is AS, you will obviously have to cut him some slack. It's different when you don't know he is autistic though. I think if people knew that I am some of them would probably change their behaviour regarding me (like feeling sorry for me or acting as if I am stupid).

My advice, don't do either of that. Treat the guy like an NT, your conversation partner should feel like he's being normal, you don't want him to get the feeling that you are overtrying. Don't speak alot of idioms and stuff like that and keep it straight and simple. I for example sometimes have issues with tone of voice, whether people are being serious or not.

I haven't spoken to too many people with AS.. But I think if you can engage them in their interests, then a dialogue can be made where you can both contribute beyond just 'how are you' and 'whats up'

I was just about to post a new thread about talking to other aspies...then realised I had already posted this thread a few months ago.

So hell, I'll bump it up and ask if anyone else has any input on this

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFt2aZvg3qE[/youtube]

Is this it? I thought it was funny.

And why do we need a thread about this, aren't we all aspies here talking to each other? It reminds me of something an NT would do, they talk about talking to people all the time.

I don't know, I just don't get it. I have a difficulty talking to NT's because I just don't care what they talk about. With other aspies, conversations seem a bit more meaningful. I mean, if an NT walks up to me and says "hi, how are you?" I'm at a complete loss as to what to say. However if an aspie walks up to me and starts talking about how a singularity generator might work, I can contribute to the conversation with my own thoughts.

My experiance with talking to other aspies is that we often just go off on 1 sided tangents about whatever. Its like 1 go off on a 1 sided tangent, and then they do, and back and forth kinda thing. Thats 1 characteristic that I look heavily for when trying to identify if some1s aspie or not. Or they might not talk at all. Basically most aspies cant hold a reciprocal conversation very well.

The mind reading thing can be a problem in general. I've heard guys talking about how girls expect them to read their minds in NT relationships in general, and that can only get worse when you throw an ASD into the mix.

As an AS person, I don't think I'd want to be talked to any differently by another AS person, although it'd be nice to know they wouldn't mind or at least would understand if I broke a social rule. If I knew they had AS too, I'd be curious about their own lives and experience.

Be as patient as possible with them and try to expect the unexpected. If they say something that could be taken against you or offensively, try to let it slide as they may not have a strong concept of how socially appropriateness. Keep small talk very light or non-existent and focus on topics or subjects. Engage with their trains of thoughts and their interests to keep them engaged. Try to lighten your body language as much as possible if they have troubles with interpreting it. Avoid sarcasm.

I personally find them harder to talk to than NTs as I've trained myself with NT standards for a years, and therefore am more comfortable socializing with them. These NT rules are so ingrained into my being that when someone veers from them I feel a little uncomfortable for. Even still, I ahve found that the vast majority of people on the spectrum are intelligent, insightful, and a breath of fresh air from most of the standard NT personalities I run into, so they are definitely worth spending time with and being around.