They say you should make eye contact...

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...but when I do, they say "Stop staring at me". I guess I'm confused.

They say make eye contact, not keep eye contact. Most people find that unnerving.

It's all to do with how you do it, when, and in what situation. If you do it randomly from across the room, for example, they'll consider it rude and/or creepy, whereas if you do it while you're talking to them, it's fine.

See how much glorious sense NTs make?

Ok, the rule is:

When you're speaking, you'll only want to make eye contact with them 40-50% of the time. So casually glance off briefly away from her eyes momentarily and let your eyes briskly stroll back.

When you're listening, the figure goes up to probably 80-90% of the time. Usually, I'll look away while I'm nodding seriously at something thought provoking she said, or if she just made me laugh, but it's very brief, and you want to look right back at her.

When you do glance away in a certain direction, your eyes need to go directly back to the speaker. Don't let your eyes wander around, or you'll seem distracted and uninterested, hence the "eye contact rule".

Also, sometimes it can be a little intense to look DIRECTLY in the eyes. Try aiming to the space between her eyes.

EDIT: I used a female example, it applies to men too. I'm too lazy to do the she/he thing, lol.

Oh yes, and just as the previous poster mentioned, ONLY make consistent eye contact with people you're directly speaking or listening to. It's fine to glance curiously or look at them if you're saying "hi" from across the room, but unless you guys walk up to each other and start talking, stop looking at them and do something else after the smile-and-hi.

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