Siblings' young children - how am I supposed to act?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,

I have recently self diagnosed, and one of the several coinciding struggles that has led me to this was the appearance of very young children in the family - two daughters who are both roughly one year old now.

I have a large family, and naturally do struggle with the gatherings, although I recognise their value and try to enjoy them. But lately, I have come to dread them, mainly because everyone is now interacting with the children and I simply can't handle it. I tend to observe them, or offer brief, awkward smiles or waves. It is incredibly hurtful to see everyone else interacting successfully with these new family members and I just don't seem able to. I want them to get to know me too.

At the end of the last gathering, I handed a small teddy bear to one of my nieces and she looked at me straight in the eye, smiled and laughed. I suddenly felt incredibly emotional and grateful, tears almost came to my eyes. It was a very intense feeling although I am unsure exactly whether I could call it positive. I think that interacting using objects like this might be the way forward. But that is all I have to go on for now.

I would really appreciate some guidance from anyone on here who is a parent/relative of young children and an aspie, and has managed to 'break through', because I don't want these important opportunities to connect to pass me by.

Hey, I'm a dad of 4, not diagnosed but I guess I'm either somewhere on the spectrum or somewhere near it, as it were.

If I was one of your relatives with kids, reading what you wrote, I would solemnly resolve to make a point of inviting you to be with maybe just 1 of my kids at a time, or as many as you can handle, in a more comfortable setting, outside the big family gatherings (that's not to say you shouldn't come to the big gatherings as well, unless you prefer not to). Then something would happen requiring my immediate attention, and I would forget all about it. The next time I'd speak to you after that, I'd feel guilty about forgetting...

Well I don't know you or your family but I'd say, if you can meet those kids in a setting that's more comfortable for you, go for it. Also, if one of them is "odd one out" in some way, getting to know someone like you may be just what they need.

Thank you for your help both of you.