im an 18 year old female. i've been wondering for some time now. i read a lot of people's posts here and i can strongly relate to what they're saying. i've made up a list with the help from the posts and im hoping to get a diagnosis for this syndrome. first of all, i've never knew why i couldn't maintain social relationships and everyone kept going away from me and now i have 2 friends and 2 people i know, but i don't play with any of them. today i realized that i don't enjoy people and love to be by myself and do what i do alone like watching tv or surfing the internet or looking up something on the internet that im interested in. i don't think i was very honest when i was young, but im extremely honest now because i guess my ocd has gotten very severe. i actually don't want to make any friends and i find it useless because i guess i don't enjoy it. i also have a lot of miscommunication with others. my grandparents raised me and i had a lot of problems with them since i was young. i recently realized that im such a bad person and i've been wondering why im so different than others. i went to see my aunt, uncle and cousin this summer and it didn't go well at all. i had problems with my 7 year old cousin. we fight and i can't control, but to behave the same way. my aunt and uncle thought that i wasn't helpful at all when they actually invited me to get some help. my aunt thought that i was disrespectful when i was trying to show off with cool music in the basement when she came home. she told me that my grandparents were tremendously disappointed and asked me how i was going to live the social world. i wasn't concerned about this at all because this doesn't bother me whatsoever. i also have very strict routines that i stick to. my grandparents have been worrying and telling me to not exercise at night, but i have to. i thought this was an ok thing, but my grandpa started talking on the phone about how i was like this and my uncle and aunt told me that i shouldn't do something that distresses others. now i pay attention to this, but before i had no idea. my grandpa has been telling me to clean up the hair after showing for several years, but i was just living my own life and almost never cleaned. my grandpa got outrageous when i said that i was going to be living in a shared unit because of this and i realized that this was a big problem and i don't like to be early or late for anything and i want to get to the place at the exact time. my grandpa wanted me to drive me to places without rushing, but i never went out any earlier. it was always the same time and being in a rush.
i don't know if im shy or something, but i don't know how to greet people in airports and in general if i've not seen them for a long time. i also worried about if i should say thank you or not when my friend's dad gave me a ride and asked that friend which clothes go together. i also have a extremely good memory. for some time, i've been wondering where i should put my arms and was kind of embarrassed about this. i've been seriously obsessed about how im walking and sitting.
i also don't know what to say when i thought i was going to the funeral. i was really nervous about this. i tend to think that im always right without looking at the situation and it has to be my way in other people's places. for example, my aunt thought i should put the dvd's in front of the microwave for return, but i insisted that i should put it at my uncle's door, so he can pick it up as he went out. people whispering outside makes me extremely irritated for some reason and i go out looking cold. when i was young, i pushed and scratched other kid's faces. my grandma told me that she went around apologizing to people. i remember a friend taking my doll and doing something to it that wasn't what i wanted. i had this urge and scratched her face. i used to not like crying people because i didn't know how to console them. im very athletic, but i don't do good in team sports. i had this urge to punch my grandma in the stomach when i was young and she fainted. i told my friend that i got my driver's license and she congratulated me, but i didn't know if i should say thank you or not, so i went to ask my grandma if i should because i didn't want to get embarrassed.
i used to be dirty when i was in grade 9, not showing and wearing the same pair of clothes for 1~2 years. now im the opposite. i guess it's because of my ocd. i've been diagnosed with ocd. i don't like phones and i don't think i actually love anyone or miss them, but i do care for my family. im not interested in fashion right now because i have to lose a certain amount of weight before i wear any other kinds of clothes. i look very sloppy in general with same hair and clothes. i mean like what's the point of changing clothes a lot if you can live just the way you are with the things you do. i didn't call my family for a few days, but i thought that i should call everday. i have extremely complicated mental ruminations. i had attention problems in grade 2. i assume that people should know certain things and about me and if they don't, i won't do anything about it. i noticed that people were not interested in my topics recently. when im on the phone with my friend, im the only one talking, then we hang up. i think the best time for me is when im alone doing the things that i like and the way i want. there's a lot more, but i'll stop boring you. i have depression, ocd and anxiety, but im wondering if i have add, odd and asperger's.
i also never had a boyfriend before and i have no interest in getting one. i think having one would be nuisance.
24 Sep 2008, 4:41 pm
. If the vast majority are yes, then there's more than an even chance.
