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willa
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20 Aug 2009, 11:37 am

So this saturday my boss' daughter is getting married.

Just the other night i was talking to my mom, was telling her I was off friday because he and my other boss (who is married to the boss' other daughter) have a million things to do to get ready for saturday and my mom goes "oh, are you going?" to which i replied "no, i dont really know her." My mom then proceeded to say "that's odd, it's typical for a boss to invite his employees to his daughters wedding, especially if they are employees in a company he owns."
I kinda thought about it for a few seconds and thought it kinda does seem right, especially since it's an italian wedding, hundreds of people, real big. I shrugged it off.

Well this morning my other boss' wife called me (hopefully not too confusing, the owner of the company has 2 daughters, one is already married, her husband is vice president, other boss of mine, the other is getting married). I've known the married daughter for years, really close friend of mine. She was actually calling to get some advice on her speech she has to give. Well she also mentioned to me that they were talking a few weeks back about seating and what not and I came up and they were saying i should be invited but she said "well, he wouldnt know anyone, we dont know where to sit him, i'm sure he would just feel alone and awkward in the back, he'd probably not want to go but feel obligated to, it's best to just not invite him"


I know her intentions were good, she knows a little about my AS so was just trying to help out. But now, after ridiculously over analyzing it for a few hours, I feel kind of insulted. Like I should have been invited, even though I surely would have made up some excuse to not go, an invitation should have been sent. I'm just picturing them going "oh god, dont invite him, he's weird and wont talk to anyone or might go off talking about weird stuff, you know how he is"

Should I be insulted? Or am i over reacting.


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sinsboldly
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20 Aug 2009, 12:56 pm

^^ I do know when someone on the phone says "well, I will let you go" they really mean, "I need to get out of this conversation, now" and when they say ""well, he wouldnt know anyone, we dont know where to sit him, i'm sure he would just feel alone and awkward in the back, he'd probably not want to go but feel obligated to," it means no one wants to deal with me or have my vibe in the proceedings.

but I shouldn't take it personal, because I should know how it is . . .

Yeah, it is for their convenience, not yours. Sorry.


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lelia
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20 Aug 2009, 1:07 pm

Well, they were probably also trying to figure out how to shorten the guest list because they have already spent a lot more than they meant to. Don't be insulted. You weren't really dying to go anyway. Plan to have a good time on Friday doing something you always wanted to do but did not have time for.



bluerose
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20 Aug 2009, 1:27 pm

Perhaps she figured you wouldn't enjoy the occasion because she knew about your AS.



xalepax
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20 Aug 2009, 1:43 pm

Hey Willa, Im faster to reply you here than on YouTube (thats because I need to finish the video first... but you get reply there too :wink: )

Okay, I would react just as you in this. Its quite natural after getting such a detailed reason why you wasnt invited....But the one who told you this knows you, while her bride sister dont
Thinking of the brideside it wasnt that natural to invite you, as you say yourself "you dont really know her" and people dont invite everyone they hardly know to their weddings
As you say the wedding is huge already they had to put the limit somewhere...

But I understand it must feel weird when the bridesister call you on advice of her speech and then beeing totally freezed out of the whole thing. Out of that I would also feel some kind of need to be formally invited even if both they and you know you wouldnt come. Seeing it from that point of view it could be natural with an invitation as you know the family but not the bride so close...

If I was the sister of bride and a close friend of you I would have called you a few weeks back when seating was discussed and tell how I feel about not inviting you and then say polite and friendly " I hope you dont mind or feel offended" but hm....that doesnt make sense either as they dont ask everyone if its okay to be invited or not :wall:

I mean, it could actually been the other way round. Imagine that you wouldnt mind at all to go to a big wedding and meet a bunch of strangers and thought that was a fun thing to do....

Poff, this post of mine was totally useless, sorry for that...


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willa
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20 Aug 2009, 2:13 pm

I just wish it would never have been brought up lol. I woulda gone on with life just fine, i never cared for two seconds about going. But now knowing that I was a topic of discussion will eat me up inside for weeks lol. Its like Sins said, they thought they were doing me a favor when really they were doing themselves the favor.


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pschristmas
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20 Aug 2009, 5:33 pm

Good Lord, this situation actually showed up on one of the advice columns I read, either Dear Prudence or Miss Manners, I don't remember which one.

No one is obligated to invite anyone outside of family to a family event. However, since they did discuss inviting you and others outside the family were being invited, the appropriate thing to do would have been to send an invitation and let you decide whether or not to attend. Since that was not done, the woman in question should definitely not have told you about it. That was tacky of her, but I don't know that it's enough to feel insulted about.



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20 Aug 2009, 11:21 pm

willa wrote:
Its like Sins said, they thought they were doing me a favor when really they were doing themselves the favor.


I think they were trying to be considerate, not selfish in this situation. If they knew about your situation with AS they probably thought you wouldn't want to go, and would feel uncomfortable going. True, you could have always turned down an invite, but a lot of people feel like they HAVE to go to a wedding if invited. When I was younger my Mom dragged me to every wedding she got an invite to. I mean, a wedding is supposed to be one of the most important things in your life so if you get an invite and don't show up somebody could take it as a slap in the face. That's why we always went to EVERY WEDDING when I was little. My Mom thought it would be incredibly insulting to not show up, even if we barely knew them. Maybe these people thought that you would feel forced to go to something you really didn't want to attend. From what you said it sounds to me like she was trying to spare you from an uncomfortable obligation.

And anyway, what's the point of not inviting one more person if the reasons are selfish? If you can afford to feed 200, you can afford to feed 201. And I doubt that you would "drag anyone down" if you weren't having fun. With the wedding-crowd type, if you're not having fun, there's plenty of other people for everyone else to party with.