Anxiety affects me in more ways than I thought before

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blue_bean
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19 May 2006, 12:45 pm

What can I say. I get very anxious when I have to approach people. I am scared that they will criticise me or confront me. I'm scared that I wont be able to give a suitable answer to any questions they ask me. I'm scared that I will stutter when I open my mouth to speak. I'm scared that my voice will be too high pitched or not loud enough (I've actually been in trouble once or twice for not talking in a 'normal' voice). I'm scared of awkward silences.
It is starting to affect my job. I have papers to be signed by a lady at work (she is a JP) and I cant approach her because she is so confronting and critical towards me all the time. I have realised there are missing legal updates to be re-ordered and filed but I cant approach her about those either cos she will see that I'm behind with the filing and criticise me even more. Whenever these confrontational things happen I just end up very shaken and upset.

My employer is paying for the cost of my degree but I feel like telling them that I want to pay the uni costs. I just dont want another work related matter that I have to approach them about. They want to know everything about my studies (which they are entitled to know) but they have gone as far as suggesting I do my exams at work with the JP lady supervising. Is this my degree or thiers?. I would be willing to put my effort into studies if I knew it was my finances and hard work going towards the award of this degree. At the moment I dont want to do the degree but my employer has already paid for the first semester so I cant be a waste of thier money.
What my employer expects in return for paying for this degree - A young professional lady who has developed exceptional communication skills, social grace and commitment to an accounting career. I dont think I can fulfill that part of the deal sorry to say.

Everything is gonna cave in soon, I can sense it coming. The only thing that may soften the blow is a DX for AS. This will give my employer an explanation of why I am the way I am, why I dont interact with my workmates, why the 18 yr old office junior is more mature than me. I'm still trying to figure out the best way to approach my GP. I think I will write everything down and address all the DX criteria, provide examples of each facet of my mind and experiences that could fall under each. Finding the time to do this self analysis will prove difficult.

So, my questions are: What do I do concerning my employers? Should I get out of bed on monday morning?

:cry: :cry:



spacemonkey
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19 May 2006, 1:08 pm

I had serious problems with my previous job.
I never really developed a rapport with the people in the office, and so when I would need something work related from them it was always awkward. These people had no respect for me, but mostly the feeling was mutual. It was obvious to everyone that I was not a "team player", but it seemed obvious to me that they were a bunch of mindless drones. I guess I felt a little guilty about this for a while, but when I found out about AS, it just pushed me over the edge. I stopped taking everyone's crap, made lots of people feel really uncomfortable, by dropping the whole normal act. Then eventually I just took a vacation and never went back.
(I didn't blackmail them for office equipment though :lol: )

In the end it was obvious to me that I would never be happy working in such a hostile environment.
I can't really offer any advice, just let you know that I understand what you are experiencing. It really is a sort of discrimination, though I doubt that it will ever be recognized as such.
We are just not "go-getters" I suppose.


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