Worried women will expect me to be "experienced" at 30+
I seem to think that is another thing that sometimes makes me "what's the point now?" with dating.
I remember reading something on quora, where I a 36 year old single guy was "super depressed" and lying there in a dark room and somebody responded "I'm going to be brutally honest. Its way harder at 36. Most women you should be dating are mature and gonna want a man with experience. I will assume your lack of experience is too creepy for younger women.
You will have to come to terms with the fact that if you do decide to date, it will be a single mom and I doubt you are ready to be a step-dad. You gotta take things slow but you have to take steps.
funeralxempire
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Not all women have kids at that age. Not all women want kids.
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Some women have similar experience/inexperience. Others won’t care if a guy has less experience than they do.
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I know what you mean there
I didn't want to get into a relationship with someone who had kids because I'm just not into all that family stuff but my last boyfriend actually had no kids and he was in his 50s so not everyone has kids
And I know you're gonna say "but it's different for women blah blah blah".
You need to get out there mate and make an effort I happen to think you're quite a nice person
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I also was worried about experience,
but when I vented these worries to some women, they didn't much care because of my other qualities, such as principles,
honesty, integrity and humour.
I also think that probably all partners would have some "getting to know each other" phase of awkwardness,
because everyone's preferences are different and people don't share this publicly, so I don't think it's really
possible for "experience" to matter all that much.
Experienced at...? sex.. romance ... Practice small soft genuine smiles , if you can with your face .. if she wants to be with you . And she dont know , what you don't know and visa versa....practice being physically soft with that special someone. And if you dont have best communication..better let their be a practice period , where you talk or figure out , whose liking what ...? ..or not ? liking...fyi. ..if you be genuine , good ice breakers include single flowers ..a Rose.
But pretty sure these ideas went away with my generation. Prolly things went in favour of the ancient , Wham...Bam,...
Thank you Mam ( Gawd hopes she is not allergic to flowers).
Written by : a true version of a Antiquarian , of the Human variety.
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I'm a late-bloomer and my dating life has significantly improved the last few years. Everything will be fine. You will be okay. Just stop listening to the doomers online and start taking action.
First, where is your fear coming from? Are these actual problems that have happened to you? No. This is just a speculation of what you think may happen. Don't let yourself be discouraged by a fictional event that actually never happened to you.
And it's coming from 1 random person on the internet whose life experiences may be completely different from yours.
Another point is to consider the source. Are you going to take advice from people who are bitter and not living the kind of life they want, or are you going to take it from people who are positive and achieving their goals? If that guy in question isn't having a good dating life in his 30's/40's, why would you listen to him? Take advice from the people who are positive and have happy dating lives/relationships.
Years ago used to be insecure about my inexperience, but then as I went on more and more dates, I realized that most women didn't mind, or if anything some were happy to teach me. The comments from some doomers on the internet (who were probably online dooming instead of actually dating people) was not in line with my actual reality.
If she asks you, be honest and upfront about your lack of experience. But phrase it in a positive way. In my case, I was honest about the fact that I had social anxiety and didn't date much in my 20's, but I became more social and more comfortable expressing myself since then. Don't view it as a downside or something you have to compensate for. If you don't make it an issue, they won't make it an issue.
I had no dating experience before February 2018 when I met my first girlfriend (and she is still my current girlfriend). Because she lives in Russia and I in the Netherlands, I decided to go to Russia a few times and once in Belarus. Until the war in 2022 it was very easy to go to Russia even with the visa application included!
I had no dating experience. I never tried to date someone because I don't talk to women unless they are clearly interested in me. There are women that stare at me but they don't talk to me (a few of them start a conversation). I don't clearly know what's up with women. Why do they look at me for a long time? I was always wondering: Am I pretty or handsome? Even when I am close to 59?
If the relationship with the Russian woman ends, I will be an incel from then on. I am not capable to turn reciprocal attraction into a date and a relationship, except with this girlfriend.
About experience: I should be helped at a way younger age, to be more successful with women. But the psychologists refused to help me (so they are a useless pain in the neck). Without dating, I am generally very successful with other areas. My high intelligence helps me a lot.
I remember reading something on quora, where I a 36 year old single guy was "super depressed" and lying there in a dark room and somebody responded "I'm going to be brutally honest. Its way harder at 36. Most women you should be dating are mature and gonna want a man with experience. I will assume your lack of experience is too creepy for younger women.
You will have to come to terms with the fact that if you do decide to date, it will be a single mom and I doubt you are ready to be a step-dad. You gotta take things slow but you have to take steps.
That is silly. Women you "should be dating" are probably going to be ones who are on the same page as you in life in some way, i.e. women who have at least some traits and characteristics like your own. I am 27 myself; in my social circles it is common for a woman to have barely any experience at all aged 25. It's not even strange for a woman to be relatively inexperienced and without children well into her 30s.
What you need to do is develop a good mental "selection algorithm" for spergy women – this is my first comment on this website so I don't know if others here like that terminology, but that is how I would put it. Learn to discern from a woman's appearance and her brief self-description that she is a person kind of like yourself in some important way, and don't try too hard with people who don't give off this vibe.
There are women who will, for their own various reasons, find an inexperienced man tedious. You do not need to rely on being appealing to those women in order to find a suitable partner.
Not necessarily contradicting you as opposites don't immediately attract, but men should try and date a wide variety of women. My wife and I are very different in traits and characteristics and backgrounds.
I have known men in my 30s who were holding out because they wanted a partner who was compatible with them, having same interests and had the same way of looking at life. those same men were suddenly 40 and wondered what happened. the answer is simple, the more conditions, criteria you put on a prospective partner the less likely you will find some one. Sure, there's always "the one". But they are not on social vainly searching for "you" or sitting in a library or coffee shop waiting for "Mr right". More likely if they are ideal for you, they are ideal for a million other men. they are probably already in a relationship. Finding the perfect match is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
My advice is always give every single woman a chance for a date.
I’m assuming you’re talking about older virgins (30+). It comes down to two things: desirability and experience.
Let’s start with desirability. Most men lose their virginity by their late teens to mid 20’s. If they didn’t lose in that time, most of those lose it in their late 20’s. Point is it’s very rare for a man to turn 30 and still be one. Now why does any man lose it? Because a woman saw him desirable enough to do that intimate act with him. When a virgin man reaches their 30’s, it’s a sign that no woman saw him desirable enough to do that with him. So when a woman finally see him as that and finds out he’s a virgin, the woman starts to wonder what she’s missing that the other women didn’t when they saw him. Because of that, they start having second guesses on if they want to be with him. They start to wonder if it’s worth taking the risk. Some women say yes to the risk while most women won’t.
Experience: Since men lose their virginities in their teens and 20’s, they have experience. They know what they like, don’t like, want, need, etc. They find those things through experiences. So when a older woman enters a relationship with a older man, the woman expects the man to have that experience and how to meet their needs along with her (same way for different POV). So when a woman has sex with an older virgin, they have to teach him how to do everything and I mean everything. Women don’t want to teach at these intimate moments. It was more acceptable when younger because she also had little to no experience. But since she does and he doesn’t, she doesn’t want to teach.
With those predicaments, how does an older virgin get experience. Well a sex worker is the common sense answer but women really frown upon the idea man seeing this to lose their virginity. So if not that then what? Find a woman who won’t care why you are one. OK, but you may never meet a woman who sees it like that. Now what? That’s where the vicious cycle in which there’s no way to escape. This results in: women don’t want to be with you cause you have no experience but at the same time, you can’t experience since no woman wants to give it to you.
So as a 30 year old virgin myself, most if not all women aren’t going want/let to perform those intimate acts with them. The likelihood of being a virgin forever is high and will only get higher in the years to come.
TL;DR: women don’t want to be with older virgin men cause they have no experience and were never desired.O
As a late bloomer who only started having an active dating life in my 30's, I disagree.
Your argument is that A (inexperience) causes B (undesirability). My argument is that A and B are caused by the same things.
When I was a "late bloomer"
* I lacked social skills.
* Had low self-esteem/confidence.
* Lacked a social life, very few friends. Stayed at home a lot.
* I was unkempt. (poorly dressed, bad haircut/grooming)
* I rarely asked women out on a date (and when I did, I got so hung up on the rejection too long)
* The pictures I was using on dating apps weren't great. etc. etc.
All of these things were fixable and once I improved those things, my dating life got a lot better.
The same way literally anyone else does.
There is nothing a virgin has to do differently than anyone else.
nick007
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Gender: Male
Posts: 27,936
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
Let’s start with desirability. Most men lose their virginity by their late teens to mid 20’s. If they didn’t lose in that time, most of those lose it in their late 20’s. Point is it’s very rare for a man to turn 30 and still be one. Now why does any man lose it? Because a woman saw him desirable enough to do that intimate act with him. When a virgin man reaches their 30’s, it’s a sign that no woman saw him desirable enough to do that with him. So when a woman finally see him as that and finds out he’s a virgin, the woman starts to wonder what she’s missing that the other women didn’t when they saw him. Because of that, they start having second guesses on if they want to be with him. They start to wonder if it’s worth taking the risk. Some women say yes to the risk while most women won’t.
Experience: Since men lose their virginities in their teens and 20’s, they have experience. They know what they like, don’t like, want, need, etc. They find those things through experiences. So when a older woman enters a relationship with a older man, the woman expects the man to have that experience and how to meet their needs along with her (same way for different POV). So when a woman has sex with an older virgin, they have to teach him how to do everything and I mean everything. Women don’t want to teach at these intimate moments. It was more acceptable when younger because she also had little to no experience. But since she does and he doesn’t, she doesn’t want to teach.
With those predicaments, how does an older virgin get experience. Well a sex worker is the common sense answer but women really frown upon the idea man seeing this to lose their virginity. So if not that then what? Find a woman who won’t care why you are one. OK, but you may never meet a woman who sees it like that. Now what? That’s where the vicious cycle in which there’s no way to escape. This results in: women don’t want to be with you cause you have no experience but at the same time, you can’t experience since no woman wants to give it to you.
So as a 30 year old virgin myself, most if not all women aren’t going want/let to perform those intimate acts with them. The likelihood of being a virgin forever is high and will only get higher in the years to come.
TL;DR: women don’t want to be with older virgin men cause they have no experience and were never desired.O
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As a late bloomer who only started having an active dating life in my 30's, I disagree.
Your argument is that A (inexperience) causes B (undesirability). My argument is that A and B are caused by the same things.
When I was a "late bloomer"
* I lacked social skills.
* Had low self-esteem/confidence.
* Lacked a social life, very few friends. Stayed at home a lot.
* I was unkempt. (poorly dressed, bad haircut/grooming)
* I rarely asked women out on a date (and when I did, I got so hung up on the rejection too long)
* The pictures I was using on dating apps weren't great. etc. etc.
All of these things were fixable and once I improved those things, my dating life got a lot better.
Although your dating life improved by doing those things, there certainly was a chance that you doing those things would still have resulted in your dating life staying the same because of your inexperience. As someone who did all of those myself, it still resulted me never having a woman flirt with me/be interested in me.
I know it should be easier for us women, as we are often more easily desired by men, but we could also open up the category of “Worried Men Will Expect Me To Be ‘Experienced’ At 30+”, starring me, an almost 35-year-old woman who has had no experience.
I had never dated until I was 32, when a man finally found an interest in asking me out. Fast forward, after four dates, I wanted to keep dating him, but he kept making excuses not to see me again. And I’m 80% sure he noticed my lack of experience. Maybe he even noticed my autistic traits? I never told him that he was the first man I dated or that I’m autistic.
Anyway, I’m asexual (but sex-positive), so I don’t really give a lot of thought to the dating sphere. But it is so frustrating to see so many autistic women thriving at dating and I seem to have a lot more support needs in this area.
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Feel free to visit my autism advocacy blog (in Spanish): https://espectrante.wordpress.com/
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