Does being pretty and/or nice make AS easier?

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Im not skinny.

I dont think it makes difference either way how we look when we are uninterested in the impact of how we look makes. I have put very little thought into how I look impacts things. I would like to have a tidier, more fashionable presentation as I go about life but it gets pushed to the bottom of my priority list.

I don't know the answer to this. Frankly I think that for me, and for many women aspie and non, the whole thing of beauty, maintaining it, using it, focusing on it, etc, is really a distraction and a trap.

I find that people generally lose interest in me, when they see that the outside packaging does not match the insides. Apparently, most men do not find intelligence attractive. Nor do they like my razor sharp sarcasm, if they overstep my boundaries. My current boyfriend appreciates me, and that is all I ask. He also has told me that he loves my intelligence, and my ability to communicate clearly. My appearance is just a plus, and not a deciding factor, with him.

Apparently, most men do not find intelligence attractive.
Hmphh
If I want to impress a man it's going to be with my level of intelligence (not that I'm successful). I have no clue how to be flirty girly and I guess I was raised to value knowledge. That was the currency of value in my family.

I did not mean that intelligence is not attractive. Speaking for myself, the men who did not find my intelligence attractive, in the past, were not good choices for me. In one relationship, the guy truly came to resent my intelligence, since he saw it as a threat or something. In a way, I am glad that those types of men were put off by me. That cleared the decks for someone worthwhile.

Be true to yourself, Aimless. Never mind the flirty girly crap. You are worthwhile, just the way you are.

Oh, I know you weren't saying that. My hmphh was for all the guys who do. I am incapable of being anything other than what I am. I had a friend tell me once she didn't really know who she really was. I thought that was sad. She's not a confused adolescent. She's 35.

Being friendly, cute, and nice is somewhat good, but somewhat bad at the same time. I never really get picked on and have everyone's respect. I also love being praised and getting great compliments. The only disadvantage I have though, is that people tend to be emotionally needy to where it becomes very confusing. I am a great friend to hang out and have fun with, but due to my AS, I am incapable of understanding others at a deep emotional level. i do not have the ability to know or understand how someone may feel, so it would be hard for me to have them be emotional dependent on me, or just dependent on me. Also being cute can give me lots of friends, but also lots of unwanted attention, especially from creepy old men, who just want to have get in bed with me. I take the bus and have to sit with creeps a lot. Though I lie and may say I am 12, but they are usually love addicts and do not care if I was 8 or even 100 years old. But at least I am not hated, or being looked at as if I am a criminal.

I get this type of unwanted attention, too. Once, I was sitting at the bus stop, and this old man came and sat on the opposite bench. Not content with just enjoying the nice weather in silence, he started talking to me. I was polite, but not very friendly. Then, he said, "I'm looking for a wife!" And leered at me. I said, "Well, I'm not looking for a husband!" He went off in a huff.

I am not conventionally pretty, and I am really not very nice to a lot of people...especially in my latest phase where my basic social skills have almost completely shut down...but
I get by on cuteness.
Cuteness helps me exist despite all my mental/emotional/intellectual shortcomings and physical flaws.

three cheers for cuteness...

The neat thing about cuteness is I don't have to worry about being hassled because of my looks...though boyfriends have been hassled for dating such a frumpy weirdo...
I don't have much pressure to conform to fascist beauty standards....

It has helped me in the workplace...sorta..in ways I find it hard to explain...

These comments all make alot of sense to me. I find it almost impossible to work out whether a guy is attracted to me. I often find out once the guy has moved on and I realise that I missed the boat because I didn't respond in the way he wanted. I don't really understand what I'm meant to do.

I have been told by a male friend that I'm a "good lookin lassie". But I would rather have a more approachable personality though. I think that I seem cold compared to NT women.

I was told that one guy I like said "what does she need me for?" I am independent and confident and can look after myself. I've always been on my own, so I have no choice. Even as a child my parents were not very clued up on how to look after a child, so I had to look after myself. That seems to put guys off because I don't need protecting or looking after. What am I meant to do? If I couldn't look after myself, how would I survive? I'm not sure what he wants. I guess he's not the one for me.

This is a great topic!

I didn't vote, because although I think it makes a difference there are so many other factors on the inside and on the outside that determine HOW it affects someone.

In my twenties I was aware that being considered pretty and pleasant sometimes made it easier for me to find work and housing (not easier compared to others, but compared how I would have fared without it).

But it might have made the sexual harassment worse, from strangers and acquaintances, which in my case was acute because my mother slandered me so I was very isolated.

And I think guys who liked me were wary of me because of it. Their friends told them to, sometimes out of jealousy and sometimes just prejudice.

Personally, I like having these qualities, but I don't like being stereotyped.

I've been told I'm pretty. Beautiful, even. I'm not saying I see myself that way (makeup hides MANY flaws, my friends.) but I can understand how people expect something different from you based on your looks.

Guys either seem intimidated by me, or they expect me to be more sexually experienced. I'll either get the super-sensitive guys who turn out to be creepy stalker types of the douchebags who think their dicks rule the whole f*****g planet.

Either way, people usually expect something different out of me when they meet me, then when they get to know me... I'm sometimes abandoned or will lose touch from people, when they realize I'm not like the typical girl, even though I look like her.

At the same time, I've gained some amazing friends because they've taken the time to get to know me. I don't attribute that to my looks though in any way. So, it has its good and bad points.

I have a real problem with this. Lots of people think I'm very pretty and have been told I'm beautiful, I've worked as a model . But people only want to have sex with me. My best friends are gay guys and they have the same kind of problem on the gay scene. I have not had a relationship for 10 years and all the guys I do fancy, do not want a relationship with me. Less attractive guys do though. I have difficulty keeping attractive friends, but the less attractive ones I am able to sustain friendships with.

pinkbowitespumps and misswoofalot (great names, girls, by the way) I relate to both your posts and enjoyed reading them.

I had a good chuckle when you were talking about guys who think their d***s rule the world. I have encountered them too and how little I relate to them or am willing to go along with their 'view' is almost scary. Whenever I've been in that situation I have found it amazing that two human beings could be so different.

But, in some ways, that is me. I get 'shocked' easily - when I was small I would sometimes stop breathing if I fell over. It takes a while to get used to new people and so it can take a while for people to get to know me. I also have some amazing friends who I don't actually hang out very much but I feel they understand who I really am. and it just has nothing to do with looks or physical appearance which is a gift. They're often the ones who put less value on social protocols, like I do, and see people in a more in depth way.

And yeh, most of the time guys who I like don't want a relationship with me - sometimes, but not very often. Even if they do I have extreme difficulty knowing how I'm supposed to behave. I approach organically now. I'm sure that somehow I'll pick up eventually what I need to pick up. Or, I'll just be myself, have friends and I don't know.. it's best if I don't think about it because it's not likely to happen if I do
I really enjoy friendships and don't think too much about it these days, in any case.

It's still helpful to discuss patterns, though. For example, I have developed a 'shy away' pattern as a response to my sensing a male's attraction. I avoid it.

From what I can see, most people seem to have sex fairly early on in a relationship - not everybody, but it is a fairly mainstream practice. They do that and then just play it by ear. I'm not usually very good at that one.

My friendships are usually with older people. I find them to be more openminded and willing to have honest, 'meaty' discussions about a variety of topics. They're not as caught up in judging or evaluating personal attributes. Not that that's a bad thing I just prefer open discussion over it any day.

I have found as time goes on I've gotten better at instinctively recognising people I'll get on with. Not that I can tell all the time, at all. And not that I was ever less good at it, but for some time in my early 20's people who were different to me held a kind of fascination to me. I think it was an analytical thing; I don't mean to sound like a stalker or anything like that. I just found them mildly interesting when really there was less reason to than that.

This is such an exciting topic!

I find it hard to get into and maintain relationships.

The only relationship I've ever really been in(lasted longer than a few weeks/months) was with my son's father. I found him to be very clingy and very in my space, which drove me crazy sometimes. I actually made him get us a 2 bedroom apartment when we first moved in together so I could have a place for my 'studies' and books. My 'alone time' space, was what I called it.

He was also a very pushy and aggressive guy and I found myself just 'falling into' a relationship.

I'm an attractive girl, even though I have a few extra pounds on me these days. I find that I get hit on often enough, but I seem to put off people after the first few meetings. I made it one of my special studies to learn how to flirt and make small talk, but it's all rehearsed and I find it straining to keep up my initial energy level.

I also find it hard to make myself be social, because I enjoy being alone so much. This(as you know) puts quite a strain on possible blooming friendships or love relationships.

My ex found it hard to be with me and I found out after we broke up that he often felt unwanted when he was with me. I did care for him, but I never experienced the intensity and closeness that he wanted from me.

I love reading other lady's experiences with this. Great topic(once again).