Make an extremely dark joke.

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Teacher - What would you miss the most if you couldn't hear

Me - The Kinks

Teacher - What would you miss the most if you couldn't see?

Me - Hogan's Heroes

Teacher - What would you miss the most if you couldn't smell?

Me - Pot

Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and Donald Trump all walk into a bar... AND TRUMP GETS STABBED 56731 TIMES AND DIES CHOKING ON HIS FOUL BLOOD!! ! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

Yes, I have Trump Derangement Syndrome, I'm deranged because of Trump and all my anger and frustration has made me completely unhinged!!

A woman had bought a new car that came with a very advanced radio. All she had to do was say the name of a band or a musician and the radio would recognize it and play the music for her. She enjoyed this very much, she would be driving and if she wanted to hear a song by The Beatles, she just had to say "The Beatles", if she'd rather listen to Queen, she'd just say "Queen" and the radio would automatically switch to a song by the band.

One day while she was out driving and listening to the radio, another driver cut in front of her and nearly hit her car in the process. Startled and infuriated, she screamed out, "STUPID FRICKING IDIOT!!" at the driver. Then the radio said, "Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the USA, Donald Trump".

A criminal, a racist, and an ableist walked into a bar.

And his name was Trump.

There are 8 children sitting at the kid's table at a house dinner. One's Scottish, one's Russian, one's French, one's German, one's Canadian, one's American and one's Italian. The Scottish kid asks, "Who here has seen people eating haggis on television?" The rest of the kids get up from the table and leave the room. The Scottish kid piles the rest of the food on the table onto his plate and eats his little heart out.

What's the difference between Trump and Hitler?

Lip hair.

What's the difference between a rolls Royce and a dead prostitute

I haven't got a Rolls Royce in the garage

Why did the little girl fall off the swing

Because she had no arms

Trump goes into a pub, and this bloke says to him "would you like to sit on my knee?" Trump refuses, and the bloke says "I think you should. I'm a clairvoyant and I know that in one minute a juggernaut will crash through the window into this pub and kill everybody except where I'm sitting." So Trump thinks, "might as well do it just in case," and he sits on his knee. A minute later, a juggernaut crashes through the window and kills everybody except the clairvoyant and Trump. So Trump is very impressed and asks him how he does it. The clairvoyant says "Well, if you come back to my house with me I guarantee I'll show you how to see the future like I can." So Trump goes to the clairvoyant's house with him, and the clairvoyant tells him to take off his clothes, put his hands behind his back, and bend over. So he does. Suddenly he feels a pair of handcuffs being snapped onto his wrists. Terrified, Trump shouts "Dammit! I know what's going to happen next!" "See?" says the clairvoyant, "I told you you'd be able to see the future."

What's got two legs and bleeds

Half a dog

The other day a homeless man came up to me, so weak he could barely walk, and said,

"Please lady, you have to help me! I haven't eaten anything in over a week now!"

I said "Wow, I sure wish I had your will power, then I'd be thin!"

What's brown and white, with 6 legs, 1 arm and a trail of blood splatter behind it?

A pibble playing with a toddler.

"As someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder, life for me can be a real struggle.
But now matter what happens I'll always have each other."

What do The Louvre and Eiffel Tower have in common with Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk?

They're all Paris sites.

^ Accurate.

What's orange and red and spins around?

Trump's head in a blender.