Why is it so hard for us to make friends our own age?

Post Reply New Topic

I don't hang around with people of my own age group. To be honest I mainly keep my own company. The people in my age group who I see are my classmates and they can be sooooo immature. Besides people in my age group just seem interested in getting hammered at the weekend.

To be honest I think that I am scared that people my own age won't accept me, but I know that older people will. For example, my taste in music is more like that of my parent's generation. Although I do like some modern music too. But I've found that young people seem to have blinkers on when it comes to what they can and can't like. There seems to be this thing where you have to like what is in fashion or you are weird. I find this bizarre. In reality, this surely means that young people are being led by big shots in marketing who are dictating what they should and should not like. If it's not modern, you shouldn't like it. I don't understand that. The world is full of so many interesting and wonderful things. Explore them all.

I am very aware that the way I dress is not like other people my age. I'm not sure why. I just know what I like. I don't follow fashion. But I went to my sister's party last year and it dawned on me that I was dressed differently to everyone else. I am 28 so I still have a bit of a 90s thing going on. But everyone else seems to have moved on. I have a tendancy to look frumpy, but I don't know how to change that. I think I look good, but my sister doesn't. It confuses me.

Conversation-wise I seem to be able to have deeper, more meaningful conversations with older people. In a workplace I will be more drawn to the guys in their 40s who like the same music as me and they say that they don't understand why I have problems socially because they find me very interesting to talk to. I talk to them about all sorts of things. Younger people, especially my sister, think that I am boring.

I would agree, it does have to do with maturity level in many ways. Some of us are incredibly mature when it comes to our special interest, but lack maturity when it comes to social skills.

Another thing that is odd, is that the elderly ladies from church have most of the things that I look for in a friend, other than their age. We share common and intellectual interests with one another. I am a very social and extroverted person, I can call them up and chit chat, or to go out for coffee or dinner, they usually have nothing but time. Lastly, it doesn't hurt that I adhere to a religion that is known for it's tolerance, inclusiveness and religious progressiveness.

where I come from, having friends outside your own grade was considered quite abnormal. Even the grade above or the grade below friendships were seemingly rare and frowned upon. My mom discouraged me from hanging around a mentally ret*d child--not because the child was a little slow, but because the child was at least 3 years older than me.

I believe the primary reason for this phenomenon is a feeling of self-conscious around our peers. Those who are older or younger do not judge you the same way as those who are similar age... Or at least, we THINK they wont judge us the same. Our perception is what's important here, really, because it's what determines our behavior. So as a result I believe we tend to feel more free around people who aren't our peers. That feeling of comfort and freedom is where social connections are fostered, no matter who you are.

I think the idea of relative maturity is a sham.

I had this problem until I hit my 20s. I always related best with the elderly, particularly elderly women. To this day, I relate with middle-age and elderly people (mostly women) better than I do with my own peers. Still, my boyfriend is my age, and my closest friends ever are also my age. They are all men.

Funny how the gender thing works.

I think it has to do with maturity. All of my friends my age always seem immature, and I always felt more like an adult in some ways.

While I had friends in school I always found the teacher FAR more interesting. I also did this in College. I think it's the mentality of drinking etc. and that's just not my thing.

I have a theory to that older women thing. We might see it as a weakness to not pick up on all social 'hints', but in this case I find it a strength. Women send all their.. signals.. to men, all the time, sometimes they do it to test them. They wanna see how easily they can scare, annoy or play them, so they see if the guy is a strong character or a weakling. Lets take it to the second point, getting back to this in a minute. The second thing is, we have something we care a lot about. Our special interest, man are we good at that. We could talk about it forever and we often revolve our whole life around that.

Most of my relationships were with older women, the first woman I picked up in a bar (man was I proud, seemed so normal for all others my age) was when I was 17 and she was 35. I never did well with women my age, but from that moment on I knew it was my game with the older ones. When I asked the women, what they see and like in me, i often heard 2 things. One being that I am a strong character. When asked what that means, they said, when they were testing me, I didnt fall for any BS or games. Thats what I meant earlier with the social hints thing. Did I ever notice any testing? Not at all. But they took that as a hint for a strong character, whatever that exactly means. Then, they say, that I have a strong goal in life. Well, my life revolves about my special interest and Im doing what I can to make a living with it because no other job really is for me. So they see that, as a goal in life and strong dedication. You see, they take things that are typical to us, and see them as a good thing.

Whilst same agers might see those thing as weird, with older women that plays in our favour, at least thats my impression from my own experiences and what I heard from discussing with others.

See, we make our "weaknesses" to strength. Yay!

For me it kind of all depends. I do click with people who are a bit younger then me (Not THAT much younger then me though, to young and it's like "I look at you as a tiny child" usually 13..... Unless I've been in a play with that person, then I don't care what your age really is, I've been in a play with you so who cares? But, I do have friends who are my age. It just all depends if I "click" with that person well enough. Some people I'm just more acquentinces with, others I'm really good friends with! It just all depends.