Is it possible to help/make things easier for friends?

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Peko
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20 Mar 2010, 12:30 am

I had this problem I've been obsessing over for months. My 1 friend tricked our aspie friend & it turned out he wanted her to ask me to join them in a threesome. I've had about 2 breakdowns over this so far & even though my friends are telling me that crying/releasing emotion is good, I still feel guilty (I've been told I'm coping oddly well for the situation I'm now in). The guy no longer goes to my university, but the problem is the girl he tricked (his ex) is still devoted to him & has complained to me about missing him (AWKWARD FOR ME ALERT) b/c he's not coming back. I'm also really worried b/c this incident confirmed that he will manipulate her to do whatever he wants (I think my aspie/autie sympathy is kicking in cause I think he's taking advantage of her b/c she's vulnerable/DUH) :(. Being around her since this (back in january) has been really awkward & I cannot figure out how to cope w/ it & not put more stress on my other friends :?. I don't blame her for what happened but I don't think I can take her complaining about missing this guy or discussing him anymore (I've already had enough creepy thoughts...) w/o mentally losing it. Any coping advice would be greatly appreciated :).

p.s. I'm planning on seeing a campus counselor in a few weeks


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alana
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20 Mar 2010, 2:48 am

is she the aspie friend? It sounds like she's obsessing and having trouble letting go. If she's aspie that makes sense, it's pretty much par for the course. You could tell her it is common for aspies to obsess and not be able to let go and try to develop a new special interest. I am having an awful time letting go of mine...it's just that way with me, and at this point I don't know if I can change. Writing out feelings helps. Typing on the computer in a document file that isn't sent helps, just getting the feelings out. She can seek counseling. And it's okay for you to set a boundary with her about it, that while you care for her you can't discuss it anymore with her. You have to take care of you.



tinmaiden
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20 Mar 2010, 3:03 am

This sounds like a really tricky situation. I'd try to provide as much comfort as I can, but I agree with the above post, in that your own needs should come first.

Most colleges have a counselor; maybe you could find out and direct your friend to him/her?


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CockneyRebel
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20 Mar 2010, 8:34 am

I hope that things work out, for you.


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Peko
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20 Mar 2010, 9:27 am

alana wrote:
is she the aspie friend? It sounds like she's obsessing and having trouble letting go. If she's aspie that makes sense, it's pretty much par for the course. You could tell her it is common for aspies to obsess and not be able to let go and try to develop a new special interest. I am having an awful time letting go of mine...it's just that way with me, and at this point I don't know if I can change. Writing out feelings helps. Typing on the computer in a document file that isn't sent helps, just getting the feelings out. She can seek counseling. And it's okay for you to set a boundary with her about it, that while you care for her you can't discuss it anymore with her. You have to take care of you.


She is obsessing over him b/c she's convinced our friends & myself "chased the only man who will ever love me" (me = her) :cry:. She's also a writing major... :o. Setting the boundary might be hard though b/c as she's older & has fewer sensory issues she seems to (but can't be certain) view herself as higher functioning than I am. My strength is having emotional control & knowing when to get help (she doesn't seem to have that).


_________________
Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to.