Dealing with aspie son & ex-husband

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My son will be 13 next week. He went through puberty early and still has those hormonal ups and downs. He is getting much better at self-control, but will sometimes still have meltdowns for no apparent reason. It happens much more often when he is with his dad or my ex-in-laws. My ex will not speak to me at all, though we have been divorced almost 6 years, and all communication is through my ex in-laws. Fortunately we have a good relationship. My ex mother-in-law told me tonight that my son had a meltdown today. When he has meltdowns he often says things such as, "I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate everything!". She said his dad is afraid he might become suicidal, though I have never thought that. My son is terrified of being hurt and requires a bandaid for any minor injury. My question is this...should I talk to my son about how concerned his dad and grandparents are regarding his meltdowns and fear of him hurting himself?

I would appreciate any advice!

Yes, but think through how and when you're going to do it. You don't want him to get all defensive about it, so get him when he's in a good mood and open to discussion. If he does get defensive and you think it's going to escalate then you might want to back off until later. Then again, he may not want to talk about it at all and any attempt to talk to him might end up in a meltdown.

It'd be great if you could figure out why he feels the way he does, but you might not need to talk to him at all about it to do that. It could be school, particularly if he is just starting high school and is still settling in. It might be whatever issues you have with your ex-husband. Would he benefit from changing schools if the current one isn't doing him well, or would it stress him out more? Can you push to get extra services for your son, like an aide? Maybe you could consider making him join some club. What are his interests? Would it interfere with his studies too much if you allowed him to indulge in his interests a bit more, or would it prove a useful distraction?

As a last resort, he may benefit from professional help if the problem is quite severe, but be careful with some of the psychotropic medications as some have dangerous side effects. It might also take a while to find the right medication for your son, if you decide to go down that route.

make certain he understands that statements claiming that he'll hurt himself are taken seriously. professional help is nothing to be ashamed of~it's better than having a depressed and hurting child

I didn't think about it, but a contributing factor might be that he is now out of school for the summer and his routine is disrupted. He had a really tough time in school (he used to attend the school I work at, a really good public school). The number of students just overwhelmed him. I moved him in the middle of 5th grade. He will be in the 7th grade this coming fall. I was VERY lucky to find a group homeschool situation. There are about 8 students in his group. The academics are challenging and he has several good friends. As a matter of fact, he never wanted to miss a day.

Thanks for the feedback. I will take the advice given and see if he is open to discussion.

Thanks all!