Rushing things seems to make me anxious

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I remember the last person I met, she was eager for a relationship with me but I didn't and were both in our mid 20s but even now my mindset feels like it hasn't changed much about it despite not having met someone yet. I'm worried if my potential partner is over 25 or nearly 30 or just over 30 they might start feeling like rushing into things but I clearly don't know until I've met them so maybe I'm assuming too much and shouldn't be. I don't know whether I'm afraid of committing to a long term relationship like I was the last time because it involves a lot routine changes.

The thing is I say would like to meet someone but at the same time I'm worried about it as though the relationship is going to keep me "trapped" from doing other things when it doesn't and the other thing is sometimes I like being single and seeing some people attracted to me and appear available to a lot of people when I know I can't have multitudes of partners because that would just be wrong.

You don't wanna get trapped in a relationship with a person you have nothing in common with

I think that's why we have to shop around until we get a decent fit

It can be tricky. I always preferred to take my time and get to know whatever woman it was quite thoroughly, but sometimes they had other ideas. I guess the dilemma is, do you commit to them and risk living to regret it, or do you leave things open and risk losing them before you've made your mind up? I guess if there's much doubt about longterm compatibility then it's better to choose the latter. Either way it's a gamble.

It sounds like you're not ready to offer an exclusive deal yet. And it also sounds like you're expecting the next one you find is going to repeat what the last one did and try to rush you. That might not happen at all. If it does, I suppose the only thing for it is to be firm and explain that you don't want to rush anything. You'll risk losing them for courting too slow, which hurts, but isn't the end of the world.

Me, I always preferred to take things slow, but I was also usually very quick to shut out other women. I guess ideally it would be good to negotiate a temporary exclusive situation, and agree to review things after a certain time has passed.

I've felt for a long time that early sex is likely to cause trouble - staying platonic is boring and often impossible, but if it can be done then it mitigates the pain of going separate ways later on if that proves necessary. I'm afraid I was always rather weak in that respect, so it's hypocritical of me to recommend being platonic, but I think it's the best thing. Otherwise you can end up biologically bonded to the other person before you know them very well.

Just my 2 cents, and there are probably all kinds of different ways that people approach these things. Food for thought if nothing else.

^
There's a few interesting ideas about marriages and prisons here:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... age-prison

The one about stuff not staying where I left it is probably gave me the biggest laugh. When I was a hermit nothing used to go walkies but I still couldn't find things. We've been temporarily walled up in an apartment that's not big enough, and it doesn't have a fan in the bathroom (I'll leave that one to your imagination), though we're planning to expand into a nice big house with two toilets.

^So having kids can lead to marital imprisonment?

What tough diamond said. What's unavoidable is the mental/cognitive dissonance of not being their for your child. Unless you are Elon Musk.

Yeah! I have a hard time with that because if I commit, I'm committed. And if I commit to the wrong-for-me person, it can be bad.

It's nice to be liked and wanted by other people, but that's a shallow (poor validity) desire from them since they barely know me. Also, if that need of wanting to be desired by others is coming up, then maybe there's something that can be adjusted in the romantic relationship to help meet the root cause of that need.

The difficult part for me is trying not to get overwhelmed with the relationship or person at first like a special interest. It seems quite enticing and can be amazing, but can also lead to a lot of disruption, disappointment, or enduring an unhealthy relationship.

Sex complicates things soooo much. It's physically great, and I have noticed that I start acting weird when I go for a long time without engaging in it. However, it can complicate the entire relationship because of many variables. I don't know what to do with this part.

^what would happen if sex was de-emphasized in a romantic relationship/marriage?