Wrong Planet Acquires Autism Speaks

Wrong Planet has acquired autism organization Autism Speaks for $80 million dollars. The deal was completed early tuesday morning and marks a turning point in the campaign by autistics who feel that their needs were not represented by an organization that is run without any input from people with Autism.

“We decided to announce the deal today because this is the first day of Autism Awareness Month” said Wrong Planet founder Alex Plank. “I am planning on completely restructuring the organization to meet the needs of people with autism for the first time” he said.

Since Autism Speaks was founded by Bob and Suzanne Wright in 2005, the organization has not employed any autistic individuals. Plank says this will change once he is able to restructure the foundation. “I am planning on firing everyone on the Autism Speaks board and replacing them with actual autistic individuals.”

Autism Speaks has been under constant criticism by autistics ever since being founded. Some autistics are worried that the organization will not be salvagable, even after all its board members are replaced with autistic individuals. Wrong Planet member Katie Miller expressed concern about the fate of the organization. “I just don’t think it will be easy to get rid of [Autism Speaks'] negative image in the media and turn it into an organization that supports people with autism. But if anyone can do it, it will be Wrong Planet and Alex Plank.”

Plank acknowledges the obstacles he faces but has an optimistic outlook on the deal. “I understand that Autism Speaks is a horrible organization but that’s why I purchased it. I think we can convince all the parents who currently belong to Autism Speaks to change their views. Perhaps they will even start to see autistics like myself as humans, not just diseases that need to be cured.”

Many people in the autistic community are happy that Allison Tepper Singer is being fired from her role as vice president. “The woman is absolutely horrible” Miller said of Singer. Allison Singer had only one thing to say about the Wrong Planet acquisition. “I think it’s hurtful that people with autism are actually standing up for themselves. It’s absolutely disgusting. Now I’m going to have to find another outlet to express my hatred of people with autism.”

According to Plank, Autistics will finally be able to have a role in their own determination. “I think the best part of this is that instead of only permitting parents to take part in an autism organization, people with autism will actually begin to have a chance to determine their goals. ”

Plank thinks there is a lot that will happen in the coming years. “Who knows, maybe we’ll even raise enough money to finally cure NTs.”

(April Fools)