What to make of this behavior? UPDATED

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Okay, there is one thing that just occurred to me after reading azurecrayon's post. It landed in my head like a ton of bricks.

I'm going to revise my insistence on a made up rule. Tracker said he thinks he got it from somewhere and I have an idea where as of right this moment. You see, our family is Muslim and in our community (mosque), the sexes are separate. In our particular locale, the women have a separate house from the men. My son typically goes with his father on the men's side. Me and the girls are on the women's side. The men and women don't intermingle. I'm thinking that he picked up from this situation that all men and women cannot be near each other including his own parents. Of course this isn't true, but my 'theory' is that he may have put two and two together and gotten ten instead of 4!

In his strong sense of doing what is right, maybe he feels that it is morally wrong that the two of us 'intermingle', lol. He must stop the fraternization just as he must insist that his father not go over the 35 mph speed limit, or that his father is the one and and only who must tie his shoes tightly and have the lace loops be just so, or the many other things that have to be a certain way.

I just ran this by my husband and we're both smiling at the thought. He has his own theory that the boy is just very close to him and doesn't want anybody else close. I say, that doesn't explain the aggression against both of us. Also, if that were the case, he would be upset every time one of the girls hugs their father (which is quite often).

Bingo!

I think you hit the nail on the head right there. He is following a rule which is very significant to him, and he is trying to make sure you are following it too. He does not want you guys getting in trouble, and feels he is moraly obligated to ensure things are on the up and up. I think you have a good little man there, one who will grow up doing the right thing based on the morals given to him by his parents and community. He just needs to learn a little context and stuff.

Unfortunately he cant quite explain in terms you understand, and it frustrates him to no end.

My daughter sometimes has trouble expressing what she is feeling, and I have to sit down with her and try to remember what was running around in my little brain at that age. You just need to figure out how to explain the situation to him in a way that jives with the way he thinks and views the world.

I don't think he thinks it's morally wrong. I think he sees it as you're breaking the "rules" and they DO NOT like rules to be broken. It's like if an Aspie likes his clothes all hanging up in order of the colors of the spectrum and you go in there and mess them up. TANTRUM!! So imagine for a little kid. You're doing something opposite of what he perceives to be "correct" and it probably makes his head hurt (not physically, but you know what I mean). He needs to see that it's ok for the girls to hang out with dad and you with him. He probably doesn't "mind" that you break the rule with him because he enjoys the hugs and kisses from you and doesn't want that to stop. But no one else can break the rules. So he needs to see dad hugging and kissing the girls and you need to tell him it's ok. If he has delayed speech, make sure you say it in few words. I used to make the mistake of saying too much to my son and I'd lose him after a word or 2 when he was that young. So maybe just have dad hug the girls and say "ok?" and the same with you so he sees affection between the different sexes and learns that it's ok.

I'm no expert but I practically lived at my son's preschool which was for autistic/AS kids so I learned A LOT and became very good at getting through to and calming down AS kids.