Best Way to Make (or fake) Eye Contact?
[and finally......]
With some people I'm comfortable looking at their faces, with others I'm not. That might be something to do with sensing that they're staring too much at me or doing fake smiles or other false body language. I usually don't want them to do that, and I probably respond by trying to show them that I'm not impressed and not about to play their game. In fact looking away from dishonest or invasive overtures is itself a useful piece of body language to have. It's great to be attractive through courtesy and empathy, but becoming a jerk magnet is another thing. Not that I don't worry about having to turn away from people so much. I'm sure in many cases they mean no harm.
When I am comfortable looking at somebody's face, sometimes I'll look directly at their eyes, other times I'll look at practically any part of their face. As for the signals my own face sends, I think to a degree that they reflect my emotional reactions to what I'm being told and to how the other person seems to be feeling, and those signals might be sympathetic or not - naturally it depends how I'm feeling about them and what they're saying. Ideally I like to be "natural" about it and just let my honest reactions to them show as they are, and I don't like fabricating empathy signals (though I keep hearing that most people do), but if I'm interested in making a good impression I might give my empathic feelings a bit of a helping hand to make sure they're reasonably clear - I'm aware of being prone to "emotional mumbling," i.e. sending the signals in too flat or unclear a form, so these days I try to make sure I'm not doing that, at least on a good day.
I do conceal my emotional reactions when they're negative and I don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. Time was when I felt that was too dishonest and bluntness was the only good way to be, but just as with words it's possible to do a lot of harm by coming straight out with anything that comes into my head, I can also do harm by conveying every fleeting emotion I have. I don't think it's really that dishonest to use a bit of discretion. Often, I soon temper a lot of my spontaneous negative gut reactions, so it would be reckless for me to share them until I've had time to do a reality check.
Hmm.......reading that back, it seems that I see the idea of emotional "language" as quite real and important. I guess I've come a long way since my early 20s when I thought Mr. Spock was a good role model for me.
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When I was young I was taught that it was polite to look at people when you're talking to them.
I guess the fact that they felt the need to teach me that indicates I wasn't doing it.
They never said I had to look people in the eye, though! And I don't. On rare occasions if I make an effort to look in someone's eyes while they are looking back at mine it feels w-a-a-a-y too intimate.
If you're not too close to someone then looking at their head should pass, right?
_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.
I guess the fact that they felt the need to teach me that indicates I wasn't doing it.
They never said I had to look people in the eye, though! And I don't. On rare occasions if I make an effort to look in someone's eyes while they are looking back at mine it feels w-a-a-a-y too intimate.
If you're not too close to someone then looking at their head should pass, right?
Seems a fair compromise to me - any advance on turning your back on somebody is surely a step in the right direction.
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