spongy, I think there's a big difference between low self-esteem and the kind of "self" problems some autistics have. For me, I have a difficulty defining my "self" - it relates to theory of mind (you should see the blockbuster education Hero is laying down in the "Narcissists Are Attractive" thread - it's right on). For years people (therapists, friends, relatives) told me I had low self-esteem but I always knew that wasn't quite right. I always liked myself fine, thought I had "value" and "merit" as much as anyone else, but that none of us are truly valuable only as seen through the eyes of others (which is what NT behavior looks like, to me). Rather, I had a difficult time defining my "self" and thus could not put a quantifiable value on it. And really, why would I? It seems phony, at best, and delusional, at worst.
More than anything, this is the problem for some autistics: we cannot believe in relative worth or the measures that create it. This is always going to fly in the face of trying to form relationships, which are always tangible manifestations of relative worth.
How to combat this? Recognition. I will never be able to be diagnosed as autistic by a doctor, but I don't care. This context, all the reading that's available to me, has given me peace of mind now, in my middle age. I will probably never have traditional ambition because I just cannot recognize this kind of relative worth, but understanding that is huge, for me.
Hope this is a helpful perspective! I may think on this and reorganize my thoughts, but this is the gist of it. Again, look at Hero's writings in that other thread.